A few months ago, I tried to write a post about Kyle’s deployment and homecoming. I’ve never had trouble expressing myself through words before, but for some reason I simply could not find the ones I wanted to describe what it was like to have my man risking his life on the other side of the world, and then to have him return safe and sound. Some may be able to describe it. But for me there are no words that fully show what it is like to go even seven months without the one you love…to have that heart pounding rush every time you hear something on the news about a firefight in Afghanistan…the days that seem never to end…the phone calls that become so dear and never last long enough. And then there’s the beautiful aspect of homecoming. Homecoming. Its honestly one of the best things in the world. I simply can’t explain how good it felt to see him standing there and to be the girl that rushed up and hugged him.

I tried to write these things in a beautiful and elegant post. I’ve read plenty of them, and seen numerous homecoming slideshows and videos. But there just were no words. No really good ones anyways. I can say how amazing it was. How wonderful. How beautiful. I can say how hard, yet how good deployment was. How thankful I am. How much we grew from it. But nothing compares to actually living it. You have to live this stuff to fully understand it.

I learned quite a few things. I learned how to better apply grace in my life. Having the first seven months of our dating relationship be during deployment meant some readjusting to my thinking. I couldn’t be near him. I couldn’t call him or text him. I could email him, but sometimes it would take him a while to check it. We were able to video chat a couple times. But we weren’t able to spend good quality time together in person. There were a couple times we got to talk for hours either on the phone or computer. But we had to learn to make things interesting with what we had. We sent lists of questions back and forth to each other. We talked as often as we were able to. But I had to learn that this was a very different world, and would continue to be as long as Kyle was in the Marines.

That’s probably the biggest thing I’ve learned and something that I want to stress to other military girlfriends, especially girlfriends that are just getting into this. The military world is very different. You can’t treat it the same as the civilian world. You have to be more gracious, more understanding, more loving. Your guy goes through a lot. He lives with a target on his back, especially if he’s deployed, and if he’s not, he lives with the constant expectation that he could be. The last thing he needs is you whining at him because he hasn’t texted or called you today. He’s going to have training and field days and classes. He’s going to need his buddies more than he needs you. He’s going to fall asleep on the phone or else have a million other things on his mind. He’s going to need you to stand behind him and support him, to be there for him when he does need you, because he will. And when he does call you, or is in a position where you can contact him, he’s gonna need you to be excited to hear from him, to enjoy the sound of his voice and not complain because you haven’t heard from him in a while.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that you be some sort of measly mousy little woman that gets walked all over. He doesn’t need that either. He needs you to be strong. Stand up for what you believe in and make sure he knows that you are believing in him. Wait for him, and make sure he knows you are. Share with him your thoughts and burdens. Our guys are much more wise than we often give them credit for. Kyle was able to help me through some difficult heart things, even before we started our relationship. No one else has ever offered me advice and wisdom the way he has.

Simply put, lose the drama. Enrich your man’s life. Don’t make him dread calling you because all you do is whine and argue. If you are not enjoying being his girl, then something is wrong. Make him smile. Be the one he can’t wait to come home to. There is nothing wrong with consistently making someone else happy.
Applying grace in life is one of the hardest, most beautiful things ever. There have been a couple times where Kyle and I have gotten into a conversation where I could have easily escalated into irrational anger. I could have easily lashed out against him. I could have chosen to be hurt and disappointed. There were instances where Kyle could have chosen to be mad at me. But he didn’t. And I didn’t. And we both surprised each other. I made a point to not respond how he was expecting me to, but instead to deal gracefully and lovingly. And it made a world of difference. Instead of coming between us, the tough conversations brought us closer together.

I’ll never say I’m perfect or that I’ve got it all together and figured out. Its going to take me years to learn everything, and even then I doubt I will. But these are the things I’m learning now. I’m eternally grateful to the people around me that have helped me learn these things at such an early point in life. I feel like a lot of couples head into marriage with no idea where they are going and very little grasp on important issues. So it is very encouraging to me to see other young people heading into marriage with good heads on their shoulders, a right understanding of grace and love, and going about this whole journey much more prepared.
I don’t think I will truly be able to communicate all that I learned over the past year with Kyle. He has taught me so many things. I am so grateful for his patience with me, and so excited to continue this journey with him in married life. I can’t wait to see what the next year, and years, bring for us. What new things will we learn? What adventures will we have? There’s so much out there!