Hannah's Heartstrings

I think I know so much. Whether by education or experience, I really think I'm quite smart. I can talk a good game, lead the pack when I need to, write words that sound downright Austenian, and make life look good.

But the more I think I know, the more clueless I become.

I read a lot. I stockpile bits of information in my brain, observing and studying, knowing that I'll need this information someday. I keep telling myself how wonderfully prepared I am for the future, that someday I will be more than able to handle marriage and motherhood.

But something deep beyond my knowing tells me I will never be as prepared as I think I am. At least, until I've walked that path.

I move towards each new step with complete confidence, courageous and sure of myself. But as I set my foot down, what I thought I knew is stripped away and I am left standing, naked and vulnerable, with nowhere to go but forward.

Things are rarely as I expect. No amount of preparedness could have readied me for reality.

Each step is different than the one before, and different from any other journey I've observed. I could read a million stories and never find one quite like mine.

I'm not saying preparation and knowledge are useless. Oh no. I'd be lost without them. But they only do me any good when I wait, take each step as it comes, stop trying to plan my life and be ultra-prepared for it, and add to my knowledge by each experience that I encounter.

I know where I stand and I know where I'm going (the general direction, anyways). And the more I know about it, the more I realize that's about all I know.

I don't know if any of you are wondering whether or not I am going to write about my relationship with Kyle. But if you are, this is for you.

I do not plan on sharing much publically about Kyle and me right now. I have two good and legit reasons, too. The first is that I do not want to give anyone reason to think things that aren't true, or jugde me wrongly, and sometimes staying quiet is the best thing to do. The second reason is that this is all so special, and the things in my heart are so tender and dear, there's really only one person I want to share them with.
Yes, sometimes all my warm fuzzies come bubbling out, and I have on occasion posted something lovey for the public. But I really seek to keep it private. For now anyways.

I'm sure the time will come when I will be more willing to share our story with the world. But for the time being, you may all reast assured that things are completely wonderful. I am deeply and madly in love. Kyle is the most amazing person in the world and I thank God every day for him.

And for those of you that are wondering "Who is this guy?"...Kyle Fellows is his name. He is an identical twin, a LCpl in the Marine Corps, and a preacher's kid. :) He has brown eyes that twinkle when he smiles and the coolest laugh. I met him at a Bible conference in Ohio on May 28, 2011. He is currently serving his second 7-month deployment in Afghanistan, and will be back home in July.

If you have any questions, things that you just can't help but be curious about, feel free to ask me personally! Lord knows I'm happy to talk about my fella...in private...

One parting thought. I have read many courtship books and stories and articles and discussions. But no words of man could have *ever* prepared me for the reality of all this. I may write my own book someday...