Hannah's Heartstrings

The old ball and chain.

Tying the noose. 

Looks like you're trapped for the rest of your life.

Oh, the jokes. Of course, they are mostly geared toward men. Because everyone knows that the wife is the boss, right? Once you get married, for men and women, its the end of all your fun. Oh and then, just give it a year...wait till the honeymoon wears off...then you'll be just like everyone else. Miserable. Then you get kids and they ruin your marriage all together. Just wait. You'll see.

People love to treat marriage like its the end of the world. But the truth is, its only the end of the world if all your world consists of is late-night partying, irresponsibility, sleeping around, and no commitment.

My marriage set me free.

I got married because I wasn't afraid to commit my life to the man I wanted to be with. And in return, I have gained a whole world that wasn't there before.

I now have the freedom to kiss him without judgement.

I have the freedom to be alone with him without speculation.

I am able to have sex with him without any twinge of guilt.

I don't have to wonder if I'm loved, because he tells me every day.

Marriage lets me share he same home with this man, without any questions or want of explanation.

I know you're probably thinking...so what? Marriage set you free from what people think of you? What does it matter what people think? Its none of  their business!

Well, you're partially right. It doesn't matter what people think.

But it does matter what people think.

You can't live your life trying to fit into a mold, or live up to everyone else's expectations. But you do need to live your life in a way that encourages people to come to the right conclusions about you. Just because its none of their business doesn't mean you should throw morals and values out the door. People are still going to judge you, whether they say they will or not. So don't give them a reason to think the wrong thing.

Marriage set me free from people thinking the wrong thing.

So is that it? I just got married to avoid speculation? Haha. No.

I got married because I fell in love and wasn't afraid of commitment. Marriage set me free to live the life I had always dreamed of. It gave me all new territory to explore that I never would have had when I was single. Even when we were dating, it was nothing like what we have now. We are free to build a life together, because we did it against the flow of what society told us to do. They told us we should live together first, try out sex first, just in case we didn't like each other. But we chose to give this life all we have, commit to each other for a lifetime, and then enjoy the benefits. This way, we don't spend every day wondering if its still working, wondering if we like each other. We spend every day proving it. Cultivating it.

Yes, marriage is still work. There are the rough days, the tired days.

But for me, marriage is freedom.

680 plus miles.

14 hours in the car.

Driving past what felt like every single "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" small town in the Midwest.

Winding up in a middle-of-nowhere camp with zip cell reception.

Why?

"...to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery..." (Eph. 3:9)


I spent the week prior to arriving at this beautiful place fretting and freaking out. All the planning and prep work that had gone into this event had me running in circles. I mean, how on earth does one truly prepare for a weekend of ministry in which you have to cook meals for 45-50 people, make sure everyone has what they need and is happy, all in a place you have never been to before and have very little idea of what to expect?

So I fretted.

Then we arrived.

And my mind was blown.

My soul was completely refreshed, and there were several moments over the weekend where I found my self near tears of joy. Everyone brought food, which was my biggest worry, and we had a beautiful abundance! I had so much help in the kitchen that everything ran like a well-oiled machine.




We played. We ate. We sang. We hugged. We talked. We smiled till it hurt and laughed till we cried.






We are the next generation. We are the heartbeat of the movement.

If not us, then who? 

I'll admit. I haven't really been fair to the Duggar family. My friend Janet knows this better than anyone. She knows that whenever she mentions the Duggar family, or any "big-christian-homeschool-family-especially-ones-that-sing-together"...I get an attitude. A bitterness, as it were, rises up in my heart and I try to change the subject. She has put up with many of my rants about the Patriarchal system, betrothal, courtship, the having-as-many-kids-as-you-can thing...all of it.

(Off topic plug: Janet is the best friend I have ever had. For nearly 13 years, she has stuck by me through thick and thin. We have grown up together while separated by many miles. She has put up with my rantings and ravings like no one else. No matter what, even if she doesn't agree with me, we still get along. She has never huffed off all offended by anything I've said, and is the most faithful friend I have ever known. <3 )

This morning I read an article about the latest Duggar romance. Actually there are posts all over the place about Jill's courtship with her missionary man and how she met him via Skype and started their relationship before they met. Google anything about Duggar courtships and you get an onslaught of post and interviews and videos talking about their courtship rules and whatnot. Needless to say...they're pretty popular.

But this morning's post made me realize something.

I've been bitter against these people unjustly.

I'm not being sarcastic here. I'm truly honest. I've disliked them unfairly. Am I still kind of weirded out by how famous they have become? Yeah, it still irritates me, but whatever...its their life.

But this is what has made me realize how unfair I have been: they are raising good kids.

One son married with three kids and very successful. Two daughters in relationships with good, strong Christian men. The others well on their way.

They are doing something right!

So what I've realized is that maybe instead of being resentful against them for being so famous for their over-sized family and strict conservative rules...maybe instead of watching and waiting for one of them to mess up...maybe I should be cheering them on!

Sure I don't agree with their biblical doctrine, but that's not the issue here. The issue is that they are raising, good, pure, successful, happy, polite, drug-free people that value marriage, family and God. What is so wrong with that?

There is nothing wrong with a couple "dating with the intent of marriage" (aka courting), saving sex for marriage, saving 99% of physical contact for marriage and focusing on their spiritual and emotional growth together first. What a foundation to have! Maybe if more people valued marriage like that, there would be less heartache and divorce in this world.

There is nothing wrong with the family being involved in that process. People young and in love need good counsel and eyes other than their own to see the red flags that we miss through our rose-colored-glasses.Yes, of course, they are adults, and not every couple is blessed with Godly, reasonable, understanding parents. But there is always someone out there, even if its just your friends, that can give counsel, wisdom and accountability.

I could go on and on, but the point is this. There is nothing wrong with the way the Duggar family, or any of these families live. They aren't perfect...but then again they never make that claim. They do the best that they know how and strive to raise their families to be honorable in the sight of God and man. Some may fall, yes. But so far the odds are for them. They are doing alright here! So why hate them for raising the bar and releasing some beautiful, God-fearing people into the world?

In closing, I'm sorry, Duggars. And everyone else. Keep doing what you are doing. Thank you for valuing marriage and family and giving your kids an amazing foundation.

Pictures, letters, cards. Notes of things that were important to a teenager. Writings. Declarations of who I was becoming.

The past twenty-two years of my life can fit into one solitary brown box. If needed, my life could fit into a mid-sized suitcase. Yes, there are some unnecessary things…I could scale down much further. But I keep them because I can, because I am not forced to do without them.
I am very sentimental. Too much for my own good. I keep things I should have gotten rid of years ago. A green Skittles bag? Well, it was a limited edition one with Princess Leia on it from the re-release of the first three Stars Wars films. Bits of papers with scribbles on them? Oh yes, those were from my dear little friends when they were first learning how to write. They are now graduating from high school. Ticket stubs? That was from when my Dad took me to see the Nutcracker Ballet. And that shoebox full of letters? Don’t you dare touch that…that is every letter from the past 11 years sent to me by my dearest Canadian girlfriend. The smaller boxes? Well, one holds dried flowers that my uncle sent me on my sixteenth birthday. The other holds all my baby teeth. Yes. Teeth.

I spent most of yesterday going through my boxes. I had, oh, five or six of them. I’m down to one. There were some things that were simply not necessary to save anymore. Some things I never want to part with. Letters and pictures that remind me of a simpler time. The calendar who’s biggest event was my friend getting her first puppy. The scrawled out note of a six-year old thanking me for teaching her the Cat’s Cradle game. The only drawing I have left from a little boy who bruised my ten-year-old heart…the one drawing that escaped my anger and did not get thrown away…the drawing that reminds me never to hold a grudge, because that little boy grew up to be one of the best men I know. There’s the cards and letters from a girl I grew up with…letters dated just a year or two before she was killed in a car accident.

Some things I did release from my grasp. Some things didn’t hold as much sentimental value as they originally did. Other things I was glad to be rid of. Little by little, letting go of things I regret, words I said that shouldn’t have been spoken, people I let in that I should have showed more caution to. Releasing their hold on me. Telling myself its okay, and that even when it hurt, I learned something. God gave me the strength to handle it, the grace to get through it, and now its time to move on and do something new.
Some things brought laughter. Most were quickly followed by tears. Some things brought anger and a feeling of defeat over remembering friendships that were, and are no more. Things I can’t fix, even though I try. Life I can’t go back to, even if I wanted.

There are things I have said and shouldn’t have. There are things I haven’t said, and should have.
But what kind of life do I have if I just sit here regretting and wishing over what was? If I focus on the bad I wish hadn’t have happened, then I miss all the beauty that did. And if I worry about the bad of the present and future, I miss all the beauty that is.

This is what life is all about. Seeing and enjoying every little bit of beauty, living with our eyes wide open, and praising God for all of it. We have nothing to live for if we do not have God. Our lives are purposeless and empty, not matter what we try to fill them up with.

God has the amazing ability to make everything beautiful. Even pain. “…My strength is made perfect in weakness…” God’s grace and love turns tears into smiles.

If this isn’t exciting, then we are doing it wrong. There is so much beauty for us to see here. Sometimes we just have to look for it. We have to stop, breathe and absorb.

There was that little boy that pulled himself up on the countertop where I work and looked right at me and said “I love you!” A little boy I’ve never seen and may never see again, but his sweet little words will touch my heart forever.

There’s the sweet sound of my boyfriend’s voice spanning an ocean, and the numbers in my calendar book that tell me he’s almost home.

There’s the friend I’ve never met, sending me a note just to tell me she’s thinking about me.

The baby of a life-long friend about to be born.

My brother telling me how much he misses me.

My mom bringing me home cashews and avocados because she knows I like them.

Finally being old enough to tease my dad without it sounding disrespectful.

The way my heart beats.

The things that make me smile.


I don’t want to miss a moment.