While I'm Waiting

To my friend.

I'm waiting.

Remember that scene in Fireproof when all he can do is wait? He's done everything, and now all he can do is pray, hope and wait for some kind of a response from his wife. He knows he may never get one. But still he waits. Patient. Aching. Hopeful.

I know how that feels.

I remember doing a lot of waiting during my single years. Waiting to meet someone. Waiting and hoping to see if that person reciprocated interest. Waiting to see if this was the right person. Getting let down when it wasn't. I cannot explain the relief I felt on my wedding day. That's right. I was relieved. I had found my love, and he was truly and completely mine. I didn't have to wait to have him anymore.

But that's not the kind of waiting I'm doing right now.

I'm waiting for you.

I've reached out again, attempting to reenter your world. Inviting you back into mine.

Perhaps its just my personality. But I am having a hard time letting you go. I've been told I should. People come and go in our lives all the time, and we have to learn to let people go. But I'm not ready to do that with you. I thought I was. But the ache in my heart won't go away, no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I'm over it.

You were my friend. My sister. We shared such a sweet bond. How can I just let that go?

If you tell me that this is futile, that you can never and will never forgive me, then I will let go once and for all. But I need something. Anything.

So for now...

...I'm waiting.



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