I recently shared an article on Facebook from Feelin’ Feminine on the subject of kissing. It created a little bit of a stir, and since I had been thinking about this topic lately, I thought I should better explain my thoughts and where I stand.

When I was ten years old my mom first impressed upon me this idea of saving one’s first kiss for the wedding. It was then that I made a promise to God and myself to keep my kiss. At first it was just the respect of young girl for her mother’s opinions, but as I grew up, it became much more than that. I began to read courtship stories online, and various articles about first kisses. I was intrigued with this idea that a couple would actually wait to kiss for the very first time until they were married. The movies I watched and the books I read defied this idea…I was about thirteen when I read Janette Oke’s Love Comes Softly series, full of kisses by unwed people. Sure it was sweet and the characters generally married the people they kissed. But then I would go back to the “kiss saver” stories I’d read, and think just how much more special that was!

I was about 18 when the world of online forums entered my life in the form of Homeschool Alumni.org. Opinions and discussions abounded, and every thread I found showed that this subject had been hashed and rehashed a thousand times. The sides were almost even. Some said “Save your first kiss!” Others insisted, “What’s the big deal?” Of course, this all made me wonder. Really…what IS the big deal?

No, it isn’t really a Biblical issue. Yes, I could bring up a whole slew of verses about guarding one’s heart, or use the one that Feelin’ Feminine did about not awakening love before the proper time. You could use these verses in any context. But I think that this is more of a moral and cultural issue.

Our world culture tries to tell us that kissing is fine, everyone does it, and it doesn’t really mean anything. Of course, they try using this line of thought for drugs, alcohol and premarital sexual relations, too. Everyone does it. What’s the big deal?

But hang on and look at what our culture really says. Take a look at any of your favorite books or movies. Whenever two people kiss, something changes. They don’t just go on living and act like nothing happened. The look in their eyes after the kiss tells something deep. The secret communication, even across a room, that happens when they meet again, says that there was more in that kiss than just two sets of lips touching. Think of Anakin and Padme. Aragorn and Arwen. Nathaniel and Cora. The list is endless. A kiss is something special.

So why do we try to make it not special?

One person in a forum discussion stated “That’s an awful lot of firsts for one night.” Wait a second. If this is our logic towards kissing, it’s flawed. An awful lot of firsts for one night? So, what…you’re saying you should get in some practice before the wedding? Hmm…this is where things get shaky.

If you think kissing is okay before marriage because you don’t want things to be “that awkward” on your wedding night, and you think that’s too many firsts for one night, than we’ve got some priorities mixed up. Isn’t that the whole point of your “first night”? If it isn’t your first night, then what is it? And if we follow this logic, then isn’t having sexual relations before the wedding okay too? Talk about a lot of firsts on one night. You’ve practiced kissing…what about the rest? Why draw a line?

Of course, some would throw into this argument, “Why are you picking on kissing? What about hugs? Isn’t that just as bad?” Well, no, I wouldn’t say, but that would depend on the context of the hug. I don’t go around hugging everyone. The guys I hug are few, and they are only of the best of my friends. I mostly hug my girlfriends. But I don’t kiss them. Humans are physical beings, and that is how a lot of people show love, and a lot of people have a hard time feeling loved without some sort of physical contact. Even babies who are barely old enough to walk will wrap their arms around you, and they have no idea what sexual love is. A hug, in a loving friendly context, is not the same as a kiss. Hugs are comforting, encouraging, and happy.

A kiss, between a man and a woman, is something different entirely. You can see it in the eyes of people who kiss for the first time. The wonder and excitement is there as they search each other’s faces to see if they felt the same electricity. In the movie The Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement, the heroine finds herself engaged to a man she does not love. When they both realize this, he kisses her and they both admit that there was no “spark” between them. They used a kiss to find this out. Hello! This scene again and again reminds me that there is something deep and special about a kiss.

I still have my first kiss…I’ve never kissed a guy over the age of one. I plan on still having my first kiss at my wedding. And I’m not here to condemn anyone. If you’re not married and you’ve already kissed your beloved, then that is your choice. If you can kiss and save the rest for your first night, then good for you…you’ve done better than most.

But I would challenge your thinking. Remember that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and what you do reflects God. Does kissing before your married show the world Christ in you? When all the world around you is kissing and doing everything else without consequence or care, would you not be a greater light if you bucked that trend, and did something different? Waiting is not easy. No one ever said it was. But think of being able to say to the world “We are saving our kisses for when we are married.” Think of being able to stand up on your wedding day, and declare to everyone “I have honored this person that I am now committing the rest of my life to by keeping my first kiss for him/her to share on this our wedding day.” Think of how the words “You may now kiss the bride” will hold a brand new meaning for you.

Just think.