Hannah's Heartstrings

In the past months, the internet has been extraordinarily filled with news about the infamous Josh Duggar, as well as others who have taken inappropriate sexual liberties whilst preaching christian values. Alongside all the chatter, the shock, and the judgment of these people, I have seen an uptick in articles, blog posts, and Facebook conversations, discussing how these great men could have possibly fallen. A lot of them stick to the fact that we all have the propensity to sin, and noted that things like this should be warnings to us all. But sadly, this was not all that people had to say.

With the exposure of people like Josh Duggar, Doug Phillips, and Bill Gothard, came a wave of hurt and bitter young people, blasting the world of homeschooling and teachings of purity, modesty, and other values conservative Christians have held dear for ages.

Oh this is nothing new. There's always someone eager to put down the things they have been raised in. There are whole blogs devoted to exposing the hurt that homeschooling has caused, "freeing" young women from the chains of modesty, or providing a place for the bitter souls of rebels to commiserate.

But the words that I saw coming from these people gave me great cause for concern. Suddenly, Josh's upbringing was the reason he molested his sisters and cheated on his wife. Teachings of sexual purity,  chaperoned dates, and not being allowed to kiss his wife till their wedding was the reason he went looking for love in all the wrong places.

People were quick to point at these stories of men's sinful choices and use them to validate their own hurt and bitterness against the world they came from.

"That's why I'm not homeschooling my kids!"
"That's why the purity movement and all teachings of sexual purity are evil!"
"That's why I don't teach my girls modesty!" 
"That's why I don't go to church anymore!"

Basically, the sins of the few condemn the beliefs of the many. Basically, if someone falls off the bandwagon, the entire system is corrupt.

I shake my head in wonder at this concept, and the one ringing thought in mind and heart continues to be, "You're missing the point!"

Homeschooling isn't the problem.
Modesty isn't the problem.
Purity isn't the problem.
Having lots of kids isn't the problem.
The Bible isn't the problem.

These and many other things that often take the blame for the wrong doings of the few are not the problem. They are still the good things they always were, regardless of who uses them wrongly.

The problem is simply that sometimes, even good people make bad choices.

We have all been given a free will and sometimes, we abuse it. Thank God we are saved by grace, and all our sin has been washed away. But that does not excuse us from the truth that we can, and do sometimes, make the wrong decision, and sometimes, our decisions hurt other people.

We need to stop blaming the good, positive things and instead look at the root cause.

If I said that a certain person was a drug addict because they grew up in a public school, would I be even close to correct? Of course not. I would be grasping at straws, looking for something to blame for that person's addiction, other than his or her own personal bad choices.

So why are these situations any different?

Josh Duggar didn't cheat on his wife because he was taught a standard of sexual purity and homeschooled. He cheated on his wife because he let his sinful nature take hold of his life, and ultimately made one of the worse decisions a man can ever make.

Regardless of how we are brought up, we still have to make choices in life. Our parents can instill in us all the good in the world, but that doesn't change the fact that once we reach adulthood, we stand at a fork in the road, and have to make a personal decision as to which way we will follow. It is our responsibility. Our parents have done their job, as best as they know how. Now it is up to us.

Ultimately, we must remember that no belief system is perfect, and no teaching is without its flaws. We must take what we have learned, chew up the meat and spit out the bones, and decide what to apply in our own lives. We cannot blame a belief, a teaching, a group, or a method as a whole when we apply something wrongly and use it as an excuse to bad choices instead of a tool for good.

Instead of pointing fingers and trying to use another person's failings to validate our own personal hurt and bitterness, let us take these stories and learn from them. Let us strive to find the happy medium and take heed to examine our own hearts and motives. Let us pray for the strength and courage to make the right decision. Let us daily work to put away our bitterness, and never let it distract us from good things.

We are better than this.

Our Parents Suffered Too: Thoughts on Modesty, Purity, and the Culture That Shaped Us

Please tell me it isn't so!
What do I do with this? Where do I go?
This new information that rocks my world
Begins by begging that grace be unfurled.
No! I scream. This is much too wrong!
This sin has gone on far too long.
My flesh wants justice. I want revenge;
I am not your family! I am not your friend!
You demand acceptance in the wake of this deed,
Yet to wise words of counsel you never will heed.
How can you expect me to be okay with this now?
This sin...this wrong...how? Tell me how!

I would say it was quiet, but it was not so,
The way grace pressured my heart in the things that I know.
Grace hurts because grace makes me be calm.
Its a stabbing knife and a healing balm.
Grace tells me I'm ok, even though this is not.
I'll move on and keep going with all that I've got.
My stand is not changed by the bad choices of others,
And I can still show grace to my sisters and brothers.
It doesn't mean I approve, or accept, or ignore;
It just means I remember the sin Christ died for.

So acknowledge your mistake and do what's right.
Come out of the darkness and into the light!
With love, grace, and a crying heart, I reprove;
Take a stand, right the wrong, walk a new path, and choose!

Dear Music, Magazines, Celebrities, Advertisements, Movies, and anything having to do with American culture...

Dear World-as-we-know-it...

Please stop.

Please stop telling people, especially the young ones, that drugs, tobacco and alcohol are okay. Because they aren't. I'm so tired of seeing the lives of the people I love ruined, or at the very least, damaged by these addictive substances. You keep playing it all up as the cool thing to do. You give them a sparkling fantasy, a fun way to bond with friends, something to numb whatever feelings they don't want at the moment. You give them an answer, but you don't even know the question.

Please stop telling people that its okay to have sex with whomever suits your fancy. Stop saying that its okay to do it casually, that its just a natural part of life and should be treated with no more reverence than a handshake. You are ruining the real beauty, and leaving people even more heartbroken than they were. Quit making beautiful things like sex so common.

Why do you hurt everything that is good? You take something good and innocent, and you twist it into a dark, perverted mass that can no longer enjoy the real beauty.

All you do is lie. You tell them that its all okay, its all good, enjoy, have fun. And then they tell me that I have to be okay with their choices. I'm not. I will never stop loving them, but I will never be okay with your lies which they have accepted as truth.

My heart is breaking. And its all your fault.

Oh Hello.

Its you.

I can tell you’re surprised to see me. You don’t say anything, barely a greeting, and quickly avert your eyes from mine. I would give you a hug, but I decide I probably shouldn't. You wouldn't like it.

I had hoped there would be a slight chance you’d be glad to see me. Just a glimmer, a smile, a sparkle in your eyes that let me know you still felt even the tiniest bit of love for me. But there’s nothing. Not even a hint. I am less than nothing to you. We are worse than strangers, for we can never become friends.

Do  you remember? Remember that time in your life when I meant something to you?

I remember.

I remember you saying I was your best friend. Your sister. You were the one I confided in and could pour my heart out to.

Your friendship was so important to me. You meant so much to me.

But maybe it wasn't really the friendship I thought it was. What was I really, to you, if you could throw me away that easily? Friends should be able to survive disagreements. It shouldn't be the means of ripping us apart forever.

I know we've established that we were both in the wrong. We both hurt each other. But I’m not here to dig up old scars. I've moved on. I've forgiven you. Honestly, I can’t even remember what the initial argument was about.

All I really want to say is how much I miss you.

I miss your voice, your laugh, the quirky things you’d do, your crazy opinions and thought patterns. I miss never really quite being able to figure you out, and feeling like I could be myself around you. I miss our adventures, our late night talks and giggly, squishy girl hugs.

I miss what I know will never be again.

This is the chance encounter that will likely never happen. These are the words I can never say, the letter I've written a thousand times in my mind that I will never send. The phone call neither of us would make. I would try. In a heartbeat I would pick up the phone and call you. But you've already deemed it pointless.

Okay, yes…losing you was for the best. I guess we needed separation. Perhaps we were too close. Now that I find myself with the husband of my dreams, I can see how our relationship may have interfered with my marriage. But still I wish it had been on better terms.

I wish you could forgive me. I wish that you could show me grace and try to understand me. I wish that reconciliation was an option in your heart.

I wish you could still love me.