Hannah's Heartstrings

Please tell me it isn't so!
What do I do with this? Where do I go?
This new information that rocks my world
Begins by begging that grace be unfurled.
No! I scream. This is much too wrong!
This sin has gone on far too long.
My flesh wants justice. I want revenge;
I am not your family! I am not your friend!
You demand acceptance in the wake of this deed,
Yet to wise words of counsel you never will heed.
How can you expect me to be okay with this now?
This sin...this wrong...how? Tell me how!

I would say it was quiet, but it was not so,
The way grace pressured my heart in the things that I know.
Grace hurts because grace makes me be calm.
Its a stabbing knife and a healing balm.
Grace tells me I'm ok, even though this is not.
I'll move on and keep going with all that I've got.
My stand is not changed by the bad choices of others,
And I can still show grace to my sisters and brothers.
It doesn't mean I approve, or accept, or ignore;
It just means I remember the sin Christ died for.

So acknowledge your mistake and do what's right.
Come out of the darkness and into the light!
With love, grace, and a crying heart, I reprove;
Take a stand, right the wrong, walk a new path, and choose!

Unseen once is now made seen
Black, Red, White, Green
Am I a lion, or a lamb?
Am I a boy, or a man?
Drown, come and drown with me
Taste Elyon’s fruit, listen and see
Elyon plays, Elyon sings
His voice soft as a Roush’s wings
Dance, come and dance with me
Forever part of the Circle be
Elyon’s water, pleasure and life
Simple and real, wrong made right
Deeper, deeper…deeper still
You don’t understand? Wait, you will.
The game is on, the Romance begun
The divine magic of two become one
Fight for, chase, desire, pursue
Cherish, hope for, love, woo
Echo of Eden, heaven’s touch
You never thought you could want this so much
Now the Battle is here, the Enemy come
The Great Romance has a war to be won
Be careful the master you choose
It means whether you win or lose
Elyon is silent, Elyon waits
While hell bursts open its gates
The Circle fights, the Circle cries
What was always now dies
Then the Hero comes, he always comes
Watch as now he runs
Power flows, white and pure
There he is, strong and sure
The Warrior, Creator, Lover, Friend
The beginning and the end
Drown, drown again with me
Elyon’s water, taste and see
Am I a lion, or a lamb?
Am I boy, or a man?
Unseen once is now made seen
Black…Red…White…Green.

By Hannah McMichael
Inspired by Ted Dekker's "Circle" series

(If you have not read these books, you won't understand this poem. Go read them!!)

It’s the silliness of his Facebook picture being one of you,
Knowing that you’re both counting the days ‘till you say “I do”.
It’s the missing, waiting and the longing that makes your heart sing,
And the look in his eyes that makes you proud to be the girl that wears his ring.

It’s the sound of his voice when he says your name along with “I love you”,
It’s the smile he gives you that lets you know this dream is coming true,
It’s the love you share that flows around every tiny little thing,
And remind you just how blessed you are to be the girl that wears his ring.

It’s your future with him that’s waiting, full and silent and untold,
It’s the promise that you’ll give him with a shiny band of gold
Knowing, with God, you’ll make it through whatever life may bring
By everyday remembering why you’re the girl that wears his ring.

(for Nicole Cason who will marry David Hegstad on June 2, 2012)
By Hannah McMichael
Sept. 28, 2011

My heart bathed in peace
I smiled to myself
And felt
A strange sensation.
Something was gone
But I hadn’t missed it.
Everything was right
Yet something was lost.

Then in hit me
Like the sun’s brightness as it breaks the dawn,
I am not afraid.
I am not afraid.

I should be, for there is so much to be scared of.
But my fear is gone.
Nothing can shake me.
I fear nothing.
I am not afraid.

The Word of God has gently whispered to my heart.
“Fear not.”
My heart whispers in return. “Yes, Lord.”
My fears melt away
Slowly
Silently
Until I am struck by the knowing that
I am not afraid.
My God is for me. What can man do to me? My God is bigger than anything I fear. What shall separate me from the Love of Christ? Shall tribulation, poverty, loneliness, hunger, confrontation, pain, illness, worry, anger, wars?
I am persuaded.
My God shall overcome all.
My God holds me in the palm of His hand.
Nothing shall separate me from His love.
And I am not afraid
I am not afraid.
I am not afraid.
I AM NOT AFRAID!

The past attempts to weigh me down
As fears would grip my heart.
I almost missed what was right in front of me
All for looking at my own scars.
Giving up what I couldn’t hold;
I’d wanted something that wasn’t true.
A new dance was there, I almost didn’t see;
Forgiving myself was the least I could do.
Simple enough, just pick up and move on---
Why had I never done this before?
Learn from my mistakes, but don’t let them be chains;
There’s so much to life, oh! So much more!
Ther right words, the right time,
Like one glorious fairy tale.
Giving me the freedom and strength,
To more than conquer and prevail.
I turn my back on my broken road
And watch the one before me shine.
Fears and struggles will come, I know
But glory is revealed in this life of mine.

By Hannah McMichael

I am scared
I am small
Far beyond my comfort zone
I pray and
I dream
Stand shaking all on my own

I’ve made every move that I dared
I’ve stepped out do much further than before
I open my hands and painfully wait
No way to do less, no way to do more

Am I in the right scene?
What’s my next line?
It’s dark out now
Am I doing this right?
Are my tears in vain?
Are my worries unjust?
Is there still more I need
In learning to trust?

So much is at stake
One wrong move
One wrong step
And all I lose

Dancing on glass
Forward and back
To far, too close?
Too much, not enough?

I don’t know the next part
This is strange and foreign ground
I don’t know what else to do
Besides wait like always before

I’m not supposed to doubt
Or fear
Or worry
But I will never be strong enough to surrender without crying.
I am not big enough to dream without fearing.
The faith and love of my Lord is carries me through, because my faith quivers.

Everything strives to discourage me,
To tell me I hope in vain. But…

The Voice of Truth tell me
Your Blessings come in disguise.
So While I’m Waiting, Broken and Spilled Out,
I’ll Stand.
I Worship You
for You are My All in All.
I am a flower quickly fading,
but Great Are You, Lord.
Everything rides on Hope Now,
So, Jesus, Bring the Rain.
I Will Follow, No Matter What,
With Arms Wide Open,
Sweetly Broken, holy surrender.

By Hannah McMichael

So I wrote this a couple months ago, and just finally got around to posting it. :D Back story: I have a huge heart for adoption and have dreamt several times about a little girl. She's always the same...about 2 years old and blonde. I never know her name, but I know that I've adopted her. So this was something I wrote to my unknown little girl...


My Little Darling
By Hannah McMichael
4-19-11

Somewhere
A baby girl cries cause there’s no one to hold her
She falls asleep unloved and alone
Two brilliant eyes clouded with tears
All for just wanting to be loved and home
I wish I could reach her
And say to her heart…

My little darling
I will find you someday
I will hold you in my arms
And I will know your name
Hold on, my sweet love
I promise I’ll find you
I will bring you home
My little darling, someday

Foolish heart, where have you gone?
Why have you been running so long?
Wisdom told you not to go
Instead you chose
To follow false and silent whispers.
Foolish heart, now you pay the price
One that was loved, now one that is despised
Now you learn
Now you turn and lift your teary eyes to look for love.

And now the question burning lingers
As salty drops run through my fingers
Am I worthy? Is there still a chance?
Might I be taught one brand new dance?
This is where it matters, this is where it starts
The pathway to a beautiful heart.
To see past the guilt of my tear-stained soul
To have what was broken be made new and whole.
I wait breathlessly and watch at my door
For something so long I’ve been waiting for.
I question my worth, I question myself
It’s all led to nothing---am I worth nothing else?
I step back in shyness. What can I do?
What I want most in life may never come true.

My foolish heart is content, although it has strayed
This isn’t impatience. Its just being afraid.

Lord in Heaven, help me be deserving.
Restore my heart’s beauty and make me worthy of what I desire.

By Hannah McMichael
June 17, 2011

So many voices
So many demands
How do I feel? And what do I think?
Faces pressing in around me
Waiting for my next move
“What next? What now?
Make your decision fast, girl.”
I strive to hold a standard
Amidst voices demanding my reasons
Trying to get me to doubt
Trying to make me question what I know is right.
I cannot please everyone,
Hard as I try.
There are limits to what I can say
And the things I can do.
Without them, I would fall apart.
They want me to lead
They want me to follow
And decide how I feel all at once.
I am not Superman
You cannot expect so much of me
Because you will be disappointed.
I am human
I am fallible.
That is why I depend on God.
I cannot make life-changing decisions at the drop of a hat
And even leaders cry.

So many voices seek
To challenge me
To make my convictions seem wrong
Because they hold ones different.
They believe I don’t respect them
But what they do not see
If that I must respect myself
Before I can respect anyone else.
How can I respect anyone,
How can I value, love and care for anyone
If I disregard everything I believe in?
As the poet said,
“I could not love thee, dear, so much,
Loved not I honor more.”

Within the raging winds that blow,
In the middle of the storm that
Wishes to knock me down,
Through the false judgments, misconceptions,
I plant my feet
I choose to stay strong
I will lead while I am needed
I will follow no matter the consequences.

Whether or not my convictions make sense
To the voices trying to derail me,
This is who I am
This is my heart
This is my soul
This is my life
Love me or leave,
But do not try to change me.

~Hannah McMichael
June 4, 2011

I am built up and torn down
I smile and cry, say yes and no
Uncertain rules stem from an uncertain heart
My core wishes and values seek to
translate each move, each word
Is this right? Is this wrong?

I reach forward
I pull back
Like touching something far too hot
I’ve been burned before
Yet still I play with fire

So much won and
So much lost
Is this how you want it to be, Lord?
Forever my hopes to be built only to have them dashed?
If this is what you want,
then I will follow.

My heart breaks as I watch
another dear heart aching.
What could I have done differently?
What shouldn’t I have said?
Where did I go wrong?

Just when I think I am doing everything right
I trip and stumble
I fall flat on my face
Bruised and broken,
I struggle to stand
Knowing that in my fall, I’ve taken someone with me.

What now?
I cannot run.
I can barely stand.
My wishes, hopes, dreams have become a blur
God, this beauty feels like chaos.

The plan hides, the map has been mislaid
We don’t know what we are doing, so we run in head long,
Bumping into walls with our eyes shut.

And yet...
Within the smoky chaos, clarity forms.
Reasons for hurting show
You tell me, Lord, how the things I see as bad
point toward the things I did not know were good.

This is not goodbye.
This is not never.
But this is…not now.

There is no rush.
Let time build and grow.
If this is God’s plan, then time will only strengthen and make more beautiful.
Smile.
Press on.
For there is always
Hope.

My heart so full and happy
Near to bursting
Filled with love and joy like never before
Life taking a glorious turn
Dreams fulfilled
Door unlocked; who knows what else is in store?
So happy, it hurts and makes me cry
So happy, at times, I think I can fly

But then…

A bitter knife cuts deep
A thief tries to steal
The Enemy whispers lies
And wounds what has been healed

Regret seeps in, Discouragement comes
To poison my hopes and dreams
Loyalties broken, Friendships betrayed
…But my heart gathers its courage and screams:

You shall not win! You shall not conquer!
My story is God’s, and He is my author!

Take back your bitterness
Let go of me
You shall not use the past against me!
No matter who leaves me
I stand strong
Despite every disheartening thing I see

Let other choose paths contrary
I choose this way
People do what is important to them
This is important to me

You shall not discourage me.

I declare to you, Enemy in Darkness:
The High King of my heart has the victory
Your plan of sabotage will never work
I will not submit to your way

I will not loose heart
No matter what
Even in the face of all the hurt that tries to get in
I refuse to want revenge
Or feel bitter
Because that is when the Enemy wins

I refuse to be discouraged
I refuse to loose heart
I refuse to feel bitter
I refuse to take part
In this game

“…Let us now be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Gal.6:9)

My heart is so full of love and joy
Bursting in happiness
There is no room for discouragement, bitterness, doubt, fear
I look ahead, into the eyes of those around me
Truly loving, holding my hands
I shut out all others---God’s is the only voice I hear



By Hannah McMichael
May 4, 2011

A heart full of God
Is all I have to give
Every single day I live
I feel so small and weak
And ever more so unworthy
Even with my heart embraced
By the one to whom I pray

A heart full of God
What more could I want?
And yet I feel as though I can’t
Deserve the answer to my dreams
Even when its smiling at me
Is there not more?
Can’t I be sure?

A heart full of God
I know its enough
He fills my heart with oh so much!
God, help me end this nagging doubt
That my within is not without
Tell me I’m worthy of a love all my own
Real true love I’ve never known

A heart full of God
A heart filled with loved
A heart that knows the meaning of
What it means to really see
What it means to really be
A heart full of song
This special song

Say it isn’t a dream
Say that I am worthy…


(Inspired by/partially to the tune of “A Heart Full of Love” from Les Miserables)


By Hannah McMichael
April 6, 2011

People will say that its not worth the fight
And everyone argues if its wrong or right.
The conclusion they come to, with apathy say,
Killing your heart is the easiest way.
But I refuse to submit to their plan,
My Lord and Creator tells me I can…

Go ahead
Take that chance
Believe in every impossible
Reach out far
Have this dance
Look for the unimaginable
Believe in the impossible.

I dream lofty dreams, and it scares me sometimes
I can’t fathom how my heart could be so alive
I still battle with doubt that my dreams will come true
Crying and praying like humans do
But God still tell me to dream
As impossible as it seems…

Go ahead
Take that chance
Believe in every impossible
Reach out far
Have this dance
Look for the unimaginable
Believe in the impossible.



By Hannah McMichael
April 3, 2011

Let the people praise You
Let the people say You are God, You are God
Let the people praise You
Let them cry out, saying “Great is our God!”

Every breathing thing, come praise the Lord
Father, bind our hearts to Your precious Word
With Your praise in our mouths and a two-edged sword
In our hands…

Let the people praise Your
Let them praise Your name with a dance
Let the people praise You
Every breath, every day, every chance!

Great is our Lord, and greatly to be praised
In Your beautiful presence, hearts and hands are upraised
From the depths to the heights, listen as the whole world says
You’re our God…

Let the people praise You
Let the people say You are God, You are God
Let the people praise You
Let the people say “Great is our God! Our God!”


By Hannah McMichael
April 2, 2011
Inspired by Psalms 145, 148, 149 and 150

1. I can almost see the High Places
Shining bright in the sky
But suddenly, the path takes a turn
And I can’t understand why
I call for the Shepherd, He comes to me
And holds me as I cry
When I ask Him His reason, He gives me a smile
And ever so gently replies…

Ch. Do you love me enough to follow me?
To turn away from your heart’s desire?
Do you trust me to make it right in the end
Even when your heart’s on fire?
Though the desert seems long and the goal seems so far
I promise you I will be there
Though your tears fall and heart breaks, look into my eyes
And see my purpose everywhere

I will never leave you alone
Cause you are my very own…

2. So as I walk through the desert
I’m praying it comes to an end
Then I open my eyes, see what I’m becoming
Getting strong and less likely to bend
Something about me seems better
My desire has grown deeper still
My resolve in now stringer, my purpose more real
As I find grace to trust in His will

Ch 2. Lord I love you enough to follow You
Even to turn from my heart’s desire
I know You will make it right in the end
Cause You’ve set my heart on fire
Yes, the desert is long and the goal feels so far
I will keep on because You are there
I am better because of the journey I’m on
Your purpose is everywhere!

I never feel alone
I know I’m Your very own…


Copyright 2010 Hannah McMichael

*Inspired by Hannah Hurnard's "Hinds' Feet on High Places"*

Vs1: Tears pour and hearts fall
The wound is running deep
The question unanswered
Am I more than what I see?
No cause is a lost hope
Even when the fire’s dying
There’s more to life and more to love
More than just surviving

Ch: I believe in redemption
I believe in the touch of God’s grace
I believe in forgiveness
I believe in a smile on God’s face
I believe in renewal
I believe in every day’s dawn
I believe in a second chance
I believe in redemption

Vs2: When friends forsake me
When love turns out wrong
I look with weary eyes and see
I still can have a song
A new smile, a new dance
A new song just waiting
For me to stand and take His hand
With a bright and new beginning!

(Repeat chorus)

(c) Copyright 2010 by Hannah McMichael


*I am still working on the Bridge...so this is a work in progress. :D

Vs 1: Waking to the radio
Don’t get up/ just let it go
Till I can’t stand it another minute more
Beginning the day
Trying to find a way
To figure out what on earth I’m here for

Ch 1: And so goes the story of my life
Spending the pages just trying to get it right
God I can’t do this alone
I give You all my own
If only You will help me to write
The story of my life

Vs 2: Rushing through my time
Saying everything is fine
When really my heart is filled with doubt
Then it occurs to me
There’s something I’m missing
Something maybe I’ve been leaving out

Ch 2: (repeat chorus 1)

Bridge: Why is it I always miss what’s right in front of me?
I always loose my way and come up empty when I fail to see
There is so much more and it’s alright and I don’t have to know it all
My Jesus will be there for me to pick me up when I fall!

Vs 3: I whisper a prayer
Because I know you’re there
I don’t know what I’d do without You
Tomorrow take up my pen
Please do it over again
I know with you I can make it through

Ch 3: This is the story of my life
Because of you I know its right
I am never alone
Don’t have to do it on my own
Thank you Lord for writingThe story of my life


Copyright 2010 Hannah McMichael

I’m sitting here looking at the pictures
Remembering all the things you said
And everything you did to make me smile
My heart is so full and yet so empty
I never knew I could miss you so much
And you’ve only been gone a little while

There’s no sure way of knowing
How long till I see your face again
It could be tomorrow, or thirty-some long years
All I can do is keep loving you
Across the miles that seem so far
And wonder if I’ll ever run out of tears

So right now, from my heart to yours…

God be with you till we meet again
Until I can be by your side
Until I can hear your voice and see you smile
Keep your eye on the horizon
And your heart filled with Him
My friend forever, goodbye for a little while

The happy is slowly overtaking the sad
Even though I still miss you so much
My memories will keep me driving on
The jokes we laughed at
The stories we told; reliving them
Makes it feel as though you’ve never gone

I know we shall meet again
On this road called life
Each time better than before
Each day more dear
In my heart and soul
And I know God is smiling for sure

It feels like a dream that ended too soon
But I know you can hear me say…

God be with you till we meet again
Until I can be by your side
Until I can hear your voice and see you smile
Keep your eye on the horizon
And your heart filled with Him
My friend forever, goodbye for a little while


(c)Copyright 2010 Hannah McMichael


*For all my dear friends far and wide whom I miss very much*

What if Christ were like Santa Claus,
And came to our homes once year?
Would we wait up all night just for a glimpse?
Or when we saw Him, would we stand up and cheer?
Would we spiff up the house, put lights everywhere,
Just to make sure He could see?
And would we wait in long lines at the shopping malls,
For a chance to just sit on His knee?
Would we set out a snack just especially for Him,
And make sure everything was just right?
Would we wait so impaitiently for the time once a year
When Jesus would be here for one night?
What if Christ were like Santa Claus?
Would we spend as much time preparing?
Would we get as dressed up in our best of clothes?
And spend lots of money decorating?
If Christ were to come to earth this Christmas
And ask you if you'd let him in,
Would your home and your heart be open
And ready to welcome Him?


Copyright (c) Hannah McMichael
November 30, 2006


**Written at age 17. This poem made it onto the back of a church bulletin ;) **