I am built up and torn down
I smile and cry, say yes and no
Uncertain rules stem from an uncertain heart
My core wishes and values seek to
translate each move, each word
Is this right? Is this wrong?

I reach forward
I pull back
Like touching something far too hot
I’ve been burned before
Yet still I play with fire

So much won and
So much lost
Is this how you want it to be, Lord?
Forever my hopes to be built only to have them dashed?
If this is what you want,
then I will follow.

My heart breaks as I watch
another dear heart aching.
What could I have done differently?
What shouldn’t I have said?
Where did I go wrong?

Just when I think I am doing everything right
I trip and stumble
I fall flat on my face
Bruised and broken,
I struggle to stand
Knowing that in my fall, I’ve taken someone with me.

What now?
I cannot run.
I can barely stand.
My wishes, hopes, dreams have become a blur
God, this beauty feels like chaos.

The plan hides, the map has been mislaid
We don’t know what we are doing, so we run in head long,
Bumping into walls with our eyes shut.

And yet...
Within the smoky chaos, clarity forms.
Reasons for hurting show
You tell me, Lord, how the things I see as bad
point toward the things I did not know were good.

This is not goodbye.
This is not never.
But this is…not now.

There is no rush.
Let time build and grow.
If this is God’s plan, then time will only strengthen and make more beautiful.
Smile.
Press on.
For there is always
Hope.