Hannah's Heartstrings

"The times I love so dear go so fast. I barely have time to blink! The Victorian Ball---so lovely to dance for 5 hours straight and meeting so many unexpected friends. And yet its gone, like a beautiful dream I was brutally woken up from. My visit with the Wrights and Mike and Andy---planned for several weeks trying to put it together and it lasted just 5 hours. Like a bubble, short lived and gone in a snap.
"...I cannot believe that everything down here that we as Christians take pleasure in will be totally done away with in Heaven. How can I be filled with such joy and ecstacy when I'm dancing or even when I'm just playing games with my dear friends if it is not from God?
"Who can say that there is not such equal joy and pleasure in Heaven? I have never liked thinking about eternity especially when presented with the idea that all we will do is sing worship songs with the angels. That is unappealing and just wierd. God is so much more imaginitive than that! If he gave us dancing down here, why not in Heaven? He gave us the thrill of physical touch, the encouragement of kind words, the beauty of friendship on earth---why would he not have that in Heaven?
"God created romance. Are you telling me that's only for earth? Do you want me to believe that God's greatest plasure given to mankind is merely a momentary earthly thing and that the best thing God could ever come up with for a physical selves is doomed to earth? Something so holy and perfect is forever bound to sinful earth? You've got to be kidding me.
"I tell you Heaven is not angels singing worship forever. It cannot be, or else God would not have made earth so wonderful. As believers in Christ, we leave earth knowing we go to something far better! How disappointing to think we leave this beautiful world of friendship, romance, dancing, touch, words, people, smiles and laughing, to go to harps, clouds and angels. Not a fair trade, I think.
"Oh no. God would not make his home so much less beautiful and pleasureful and interesting than ours.
"I believe in the God of Wonders, and I believe that when I die, I go to Paradise, the High Places, the Celestial City. This is not Precious Moments heaven. This is Heaven, home of the God of the Universe.
"Look at all He created and I dare you to tell me His home is less incredible."

[I'd encourage everyone to read "The Sacred Romance" by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis.]

Love, Hannah

My friend Jason recently brought up a point on the subject of kissing (per my last blog post) that got me thinking. He stated that most people decide to save their first kiss for the wedding because of pride; more or less so they could stand up in front of everyone and proudly declare their waiting (i.e., self-righteousness). I had heard this opinion before, but this comment struck a chord, and I thought it deserved a little attention.

Is that why we are waiting? Pride?

I thought it was a conviction.

So if it is prideful to save your kisses, does that mean its an act of humility to just kiss whenever? And if this is true, what about other things? Doesn’t this idea assume that other things we choose to do (or not do) are acts of pride…that we do things just to be able to tell other people?

For instance, when someone is uncomfortable with dancing, we say they have a personal or family conviction. We don’t say they are prideful. When someone doesn’t like rock music, we say they have a conviction or personal preference. It doesn’t have anything to do with pride.

A decision to do or not do something, when made in the proper, God-glorifying mindset, is not automatically a self-righteous “Hey, look at me, I’m better than you” thing. If it were then wouldn’t this idea mean that practicing abstinence before marriage be prideful? After all, the purpose is to be able to say we are sexually pure before the wedding…right?

If being convicted, feeling deeply, about something meant that we were inflicted with pride, then we’d all be in big trouble. If it is pride to say we are different and separate from the world’s common idea of things, then half the things we say and do are wrong…including saying we are Christians. What is our real motive anyways?

This is actually a very good reminder for us. We need to be so careful that what we do is because of conviction, because we feel so deeply about something, and not for any other reason. If a choice to do or not do something hangs only on how it boosts our standing in a church or certain group of people, then yes, it’s pride. The majority of what we do (homeschool, ministry, courtship, purity, music choices, etc.) could most certainly be labeled as prideful if we do it only because the rest of the crowd does. But I honestly don’t think that the people who choose to homeschool, go into ministry, practice courtship, remain sexually pure, only listen to Christian music, or save their kisses for marriage are doing it because the crowd does. These are things that go against the crowd. They are not easy things to choose. In fact, it is a humbling thing to choose something the world sees as downright weird. That being said, we still need to watch ourselves, because often we spend so much time with our “in-group” of homeschooled/courting/Christians that we forget what its like out in the world where we are looked on as creatures from another planet. This is when, yes, we can get prideful.

I feel very deeply about certain things. Saving my kisses is one of them. I have at least a dozen very good reasons to wait to kiss till my wedding day, and if I’m not going to wait, then I’d better have a dozen reasons just as good, if not better. I want something different. I want something special. I want to show my world how it is possible to wait to kiss one man and one man only. If this is pride, then so be it. But I don’t think so.

The year 2010 was a good one. It was filled with the making of new friends, the learning of important lessons, healing, growth, loads of laughter and a few buckets of tears. There are so many stories I could tell, hugs and dances I wish I could relive, inside jokes that were created, friendships that were strengthened, words, smiles and voices. There are some things I wish I could forget, but I know that I am all the better for having gone through them. There are stories and feelings and heartaches that I am not ready to share with the world. Maybe when I’m eighty and I write my memoirs, you’ll get to read all about them. But for now, I’ll focus on the things I want to remember.

-I got to have Nicole Cason, Jim Duncan, Anna and Michaela Ferrar stay at my house in January for the homeschool reunion here in PA! So many good times…dancing, my first ever real snowball fight, ice skating, staying up way too late with Nicole having good girly talks, music, accidently picking up on Jim’s accent… :)
-February brought the first ever Ohio Rendezvous, which was an event we still talk about. There was way too much goodness to even begin to describe, so I will just say that it was something I don’t think we will ever be able to top, as far as homeschool get togethers go.
-In April, I spent nearly a week at the Ferrars’ home with Hannah Lefchik. What a wonderful girly weekend! We took a walk in the town square, went to a book sale, had a few photo shoots, made pasta, went window shopping at the mall, took pictures of ourselves in mirrors, watched girl movies, drank tea, danced with Marissa Dubina, talked and talked and talked and talked and talked…, got in lots of hugs, and went home very happy little larks.
-June 1st began puppy season for my family, and we had three litters this year, totaling 22 puppies. Each year we do puppies stretches me far out of my comfort zone and teaches me valuable life lessons. There’s always someone that wants to take advantage of us and give us a hard time. And there’s always someone that totally makes up for the stupid people by being a heaven sent dear that really appreciates and knows how good of a dog they are getting. It’s a lot of discipline and sacrifice, and as much as I love my dogs, I’m always so glad when it’s over.
-Gordie graduated this year, and went to EMT school over the summer, so in August we had a big party for him. The Peters family came down from Ontario, as well as the Ferrars from Ohio and several others friends and relatives. We had a great afternoon…and even got to do the Cotton Eyed Joe. :D
-September. Oh, September. The Ohio Summer Rendezvous is still threatening to trump the February Rendezvous. We had a Western ball, a talent show (featuring the world’s first ever western version of Pride and Prejudice), a scavenger hunt, games, a walk up the world biggest hill, and much much more! I think my two favorite memories were standing in the dark with a flashlight singing hymns acapella till 1am, and sitting on the dock with a few of my girlies, dipping our toes in the water and relaxing. What a wonderful weekend!
-October was a turning point in my life, where I realized the true importance of staying true to what I believe even when it feels like I’m all alone. You never really know how important it is to stick to your beliefs until your beliefs come between you and your heart’s deepest dreams.
-In December, one of my biggest dreams came true. I attended a Christmas Regency Ball. It was beautiful and breathtaking! Several of my favorite people were there, and it was a night I will not soon forget.

2010 was a good year. I can’t complain, and I have so much to be thankful for. But in a way, I’m glad its over and that we are starting a new one. There’s something enchanting about a year’s beginning…you never know quite where it will take you. 2011 has already been wonderful, being that I spent the first day with the Pieplow family and part of the Ferrar family.
It’s gonna be good.

“My whole life, I’ve been preparing to be a good wife. I want a good husband. Do you know what it takes to make a good marriage?” (Rachel, Come What May)

In Christian circles, girls constantly talk about how hard it is to wait patiently for their Prince Charming to come. We talk about the struggles of maintaining emotional purity, of being content and all other such topics. This is good for us, and as hard as it sometimes is on our little hearts, as females, we enjoy talking about relationship related things with our fellow girlfriends. It’s how God made us.

But today, my words are for the guys.

We girls sometimes don’t realize how tough gentlemen have it. They have to wade through the sea of Christian girls, hoping to find one that meets their own criteria and isn’t an affected little goose. And to put it simply, guys don’t think about relationships in the same way that girls do. Oh, sure, they think about it. They just are not wired to think about romance 24/7 like girls are. That’s not a bad thing…it’s just how God made them!

With things being the way they are, guys need help sometimes when it comes to finding themselves a girl. I have three brothers…I know. There are some things that guys excel at when it comes to relationships (usually initiating them in the first place). And then there are some things that they just don’t think about. Again, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing! It’s how they are wired! But I think it would help if guys knew better what girls wanted and what was going on in their heads.

Therefore, I’ve compiled a little list of some things that I have learned (most recently, in fact) that guys should know when it comes to courting.
Please note this is all my opinion. I can’t speak for other girls. They may not see these things as important. But I wager there’s a fair amount of girls that do hold these things with high regard. And even if they aren’t crucial things, they will definitely score points.
So without further ado…

Hannah’s Tips for Guys

~Serve. Do for your girl even when you have no assurance that she is your girl.
~Talk. Ask. And Listen!
~Protect her heart. Say nothing and act in no way that would cause her to stumble.
~Until you are in a committed and official relationship, DO NOT monopolize her company or her conversation. She is not yet yours…don’t treat her as such.
~Learn to dance and watch at least one Austen film. It scores points big time. ;)
~Be real and honest. Don’t hold back your “long stories”, your past, your present or your future. Tell her where you’ve been in life and where you want to go. Don’t change you dreams to try to impress her, because if you are phony before marriage, that won’t change after the wedding.
~Respect her dad. Don’t try to get around him. He has raised her, cared for her and loved her since her first breath. You want to step in and take over his treasure. Give him the respect he deserves and in turn you will be respecting her.
~There is fine line you must tread by with caution in your pursuit of a young lady. Strive to win her, but do not demand that she be won. Actively and persistently pursue her, but do so patiently and be prepared to wait quietly for her.
~And again I will say, until she is officially yours, be careful how much of her company and conversation you occupy, for if you monopolize her, you are putting her in situations that may hurt her and make her uncomfortable by having to explain your over abundant presence to her friends and family. Be a friend but keep your distance.

"Fiat Justicia - Et Pereat Mundas.

Do the Right thing - Come what may."

(screenshots from the movie Come What May by Advent Film Group)

The canine breeding business is a trying one. Summer is one big marathon of feeding, cleaning, chasing, washing, feeding, cleaning…you get the idea. The puppies make up for it, though, by being irresistibly cute and making great photographic subjects. The people can be incredibly frustrating, especially the ones that want to scoff at the price (which is ridiculously low in this business), or get mad at me because I’ve already sold the only female born (as if I had any control over that!), or try to act like they know more than me about the breed or raising a pup (when even my unprofessional eyes can see that they are clueless). But as with everything, there’s a silver lining…the look on the kids’ faces when they see the pups, or the sound of the man’s voice who says he’s waited 20 years for his own dog makes it all worth it.

I could tell many stories of the people who’ve walked in and out of my life through the puppies. But there’s one couple in particular that will forever stand out in my heart.

They were the first to come see out litter of Beagle pups in mid-July, a friendly, middle-aged couple that I couldn’t help but like. I noticed several distinct things about them. They were extremely affectionate and attentive to the puppies, and appreciative of my time. They were intense, as if they enjoyed every single second of living. And they seemed so in touch with each other, so in love, almost like newlyweds, only on a level a hundred times deeper.

They intrigued me, and I sat contentedly with them as they admired the pups for nearly two hours. During that time, I came to learn their story.

Not even a year before, they had lost their home, almost all of their belongings and their two Beagles in a house fire that occurred when they were out of town. All they had left was a small trailer home, the Lab that was with them, the few pieces of furniture in the trailer and the clothes they were wearing.

During a later visit, when I watched the husband struggle to stand after kneeling to photograph the puppies, I learned that he had been in a car accident a few years before that had severed his leg at the knee. The doctors had been able to reconnect his leg, but it was obvious that there were certain things he could not do without pain.
They ended up choosing two pups, a male and female, and there were several times I could tell the wife was very close to tears.

As I was filling out their papers and explaining the details to them, the wife went to the car to get something. When she was out of earshot, the husband thanked me profusely and began to cry as he told me his wife had MS (multiple sclerosis). His eyes unashamedly filled with tears, and he said something I will never forget. “There are some things that money can’t buy.”
I couldn’t have been happier that not one, but two of my sweet pups were going to such precious people. But I was even happier that I had gotten a chance to know them.

Money can’t buy what I learned from them, their love for each other and for life. It can’t buy the joy and excitement on their faces as they came to pick up their puppies four weeks later. It can’t buy the sincerity and gratitude they showed me when the husband took my hand in both of his and said “You’re an angel”, and when the wife hugged me tightly.

They may not have had many earthly possessions, but that couple, more than anyone I’ve ever known…they had it all.

Divorce, death, cancer, broken relationships, disturbing events. I have grown up hearing about such things. My parents did not shelter us. They educated us at the right times when we needed to be rightfully educated. I was no stranger to the things that cause the world to be a sad, angry, confused place.

But I never thought they would ever come close to me.

It wasn’t so bad when my grandparents died. I was only 14, and although it hurt, it still was far from me.

I crept nearer to me when my aunt got divorced and slightly closer when the same aunt was diagnosed with cancer a few years later.

I didn’t realize how close it had gotten when I went through a couple friendships (potential romances) that ended with me losing friends, when an organization I thought was the most wonderful thing on earth turned sour, and when a childhood friend died in a car accident at the age of 18.

But the closest hits came when a very dear friend went through a terrible divorce only 6 months after her wedding which left her heartbroken and pregnant, and then when I learned of a friend who was engaged to marry a man 30 years her senior, of whom I have known to be a rather dishonorable man.

I don’t really know why those two particular things have hit me so hard. Perhaps it is akin to what General Jackson felt when, after hearing that a little girl whom he’d befriended died, wept bitterly, causing a nearby soldier to ask, “Why is he crying now? After so many battles and so many lives lost…he never cried then” and another to reply “I think he is crying for them now”.

I feel like I am being tested in my faith, or maybe prepared for something worse. Perhaps Satan is trying to derail me from the happiness surging through my heart and from the God-honoring venture I’ve been pouring myself into. I feel like I don’t know what to say or think, except that there is something mysterious going with me. Someone is playing chess with my heart.

It makes me want to just never move. Things are simpler that way. Things are easier if I never feel, never think, never sing, never love, never try. But that defeats the whole purpose of my being here. It goes against my grain. I can’t sit still.

You never realize how hot the fire is until you are standing right next to it. Yet that is when it all matters the most.

"Will you spend a lifetime running?
Cause you could spend a lifetime running...
Do you feel the fire when the flame gets hot?
Are you living every day like it's the last you've got?
Will you step aside when it all falls down
And watch it burn away?
Have a little faith when the walls cave in
Pray for strength to fly against the wind
Will you walk away when the fire gets hot
Or fight another day?"

-Addison Road

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Hannah's Heartstrings

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Impossible

Let The People Praise You

Journal Entry 3-28-11

When its my time...

Fare Thee Well...

Fully Alive

Pride or Conviction?

To Kiss or Not To Kiss?

To be broken

Memories of 2010

Tips For Guys

"I could have danced all night..."

What Money Can't Buy

Thankful

Fight Another Day

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