Hannah's Heartstrings

I came to three rather prominent conclusions today.

1. Sometimes I really hate internet chat. It is so hard to decipher people's feelings and thoughts through typed messages. Its so much easier when you're able to see their faces and hear their voices. Online chat can be the best thing in the world, but there are times when it frustrates me to no end.

2. Sometimes I really envy men's ability to only think of one thing at a time. It can be a real burden to always be thinking of a dozen things all at once, and not be able to put thoughts out of my mind that I'd rather not think about. My mind can't rest. Its always going, going, going. I've tried very hard to only focus on one thing at a time. I can't. Don't get me wrong...multi-tasking is helpful. Just tiring.

3. I think I talk too much, in spite of the people that think I am really quiet and don't talk enough. You can't imagine how many times I think "Man, me and my big mouth. Why, oh why, did I say that??"

There you have it. Three thoughts from my weird and crazy mind.

My heart bathed in peace
I smiled to myself
And felt
A strange sensation.
Something was gone
But I hadn’t missed it.
Everything was right
Yet something was lost.

Then in hit me
Like the sun’s brightness as it breaks the dawn,
I am not afraid.
I am not afraid.

I should be, for there is so much to be scared of.
But my fear is gone.
Nothing can shake me.
I fear nothing.
I am not afraid.

The Word of God has gently whispered to my heart.
“Fear not.”
My heart whispers in return. “Yes, Lord.”
My fears melt away
Slowly
Silently
Until I am struck by the knowing that
I am not afraid.
My God is for me. What can man do to me? My God is bigger than anything I fear. What shall separate me from the Love of Christ? Shall tribulation, poverty, loneliness, hunger, confrontation, pain, illness, worry, anger, wars?
I am persuaded.
My God shall overcome all.
My God holds me in the palm of His hand.
Nothing shall separate me from His love.
And I am not afraid
I am not afraid.
I am not afraid.
I AM NOT AFRAID!

The past attempts to weigh me down
As fears would grip my heart.
I almost missed what was right in front of me
All for looking at my own scars.
Giving up what I couldn’t hold;
I’d wanted something that wasn’t true.
A new dance was there, I almost didn’t see;
Forgiving myself was the least I could do.
Simple enough, just pick up and move on---
Why had I never done this before?
Learn from my mistakes, but don’t let them be chains;
There’s so much to life, oh! So much more!
Ther right words, the right time,
Like one glorious fairy tale.
Giving me the freedom and strength,
To more than conquer and prevail.
I turn my back on my broken road
And watch the one before me shine.
Fears and struggles will come, I know
But glory is revealed in this life of mine.

By Hannah McMichael

I am scared
I am small
Far beyond my comfort zone
I pray and
I dream
Stand shaking all on my own

I’ve made every move that I dared
I’ve stepped out do much further than before
I open my hands and painfully wait
No way to do less, no way to do more

Am I in the right scene?
What’s my next line?
It’s dark out now
Am I doing this right?
Are my tears in vain?
Are my worries unjust?
Is there still more I need
In learning to trust?

So much is at stake
One wrong move
One wrong step
And all I lose

Dancing on glass
Forward and back
To far, too close?
Too much, not enough?

I don’t know the next part
This is strange and foreign ground
I don’t know what else to do
Besides wait like always before

I’m not supposed to doubt
Or fear
Or worry
But I will never be strong enough to surrender without crying.
I am not big enough to dream without fearing.
The faith and love of my Lord is carries me through, because my faith quivers.

Everything strives to discourage me,
To tell me I hope in vain. But…

The Voice of Truth tell me
Your Blessings come in disguise.
So While I’m Waiting, Broken and Spilled Out,
I’ll Stand.
I Worship You
for You are My All in All.
I am a flower quickly fading,
but Great Are You, Lord.
Everything rides on Hope Now,
So, Jesus, Bring the Rain.
I Will Follow, No Matter What,
With Arms Wide Open,
Sweetly Broken, holy surrender.

By Hannah McMichael

I am weird in more ways than one, but I am weird for a good reason. It has taken me two years to get to where I am now and you couldn’t pay me to turn around and go the opposite way. I enjoy this sane, peaceful, balanced and almost powerful feeling way too much to go back.

I am many things…gluten-free, corn-free, blood-type-diet-follower (for the most part) and vegetarian (ovo-vegetarian to be precise). I am also an herb freak, somewhat of a hippie, and I strive to eat organic. We won’t go into me conservative-homeschooler-ness just now; my odd eating habits are enough to keep anyone amused. :)

This wasn’t just some off-the-wall decision. I was not influenced by peer pressure or religiosity. This was 100% based on the health of my body, the sanity of my mind, and the gripping fears of my heart.

This is the whole story. Chronologically, in the best detail as I can remember, here is what happened:

Sometime around 2001-02: I began experiencing “twitches”. At first they were just annoying; I would jump involuntarily, my eyes would flutter and I would lose concentration for a moment, particularly in the morning sunlight. I just ignored for quite a while.

July 2009: Part of my family and I were planning on going to Tennessee for the weekend. The day before we left, I ate a ton of microwave popcorn (which we didn’t attribute to my problems until much later). The morning we were supposed to leave, my dad had an asthma attack. I woke up at 4am, thinking we were going to be late leaving, and found out my dad was sick so we couldn’t go. For all reasons considered (early morning, popcorn the night before, upset, and bad time of the month for me), I experienced what my mom called a “petite mal seizure”.
There began the long haul of finding out what was wrong with me. I praise God every day that my parents did not take me to the hospital that night. If they had, I would have been put on medication and would now be dealing with being a “vegetable”.

August 2009: I had some incentive to figure out what my problems were, because I intended on taking a trip to Colorado with my brother for a homeschool reunion. So by my mother’s advice, I went gluten-free. Unfortuately that was only the tip of the iceberg. I ate some things I shouldn’t have during the trip and did experience some twitching.

October 2009: A couple weeks before another homeschool trip, this time planned with friends, I woke up in the middle of the night and experienced another seizure. In the morning after, I woke up with no recollection of what happened except for the very beginning. The skin around my eyes was covered in broken blood vessels, and my tongue was bruised on the end. It took me nearly a week to recover. This time I figured out two things: I was extremely sensitive to corn and I was made worse when people coddled and doted over me.

February 2010: My family discovered “The Blood Type Diet”. Since my parents knew their types, my siblings and I got tested to find out ours and we gave it a shot. It made the most sense we’d ever heard. And what did we have to lose? Feeding my blood sounded crazy, but it was worth the try. I was willing to try almost anything.
I noticed marked improvement with my struggles, but even more incredible was that my dad’s asthma decreased almost 100% in three days.

I focused on “doing the diet” for the next year. During that time, we discovered the methylcobolamin form of vitamin B-12. My dad took it for energy and his asthma, initially. Then one day I took it and felt immensely better. It has since become my life saver and best friend. :)
I still experienced minor “twitchings”, but mostly during my time of the month, either the week before, during, or the week after. So long as no one paid attention to me (make me upset or nervous), I was generally okay. This was hard because my family worried about me and wanted to help me. It was hard for them to understand that the only was to help me was by not helping me.

So a year passed as I added, removed and discovered many things in my food life. It was about 50-50 split between rewarding and frustrating. I would jump for joy at finding something I could eat or after having a particularly good month. And I would cry in anger and fear during a bad time when I couldn’t control my twitches and couldn’t figure out what else to do.

I prayed everything I could think of; “God, please heal my body!” “Lord Jesus, I can’t do this alone. Please conquer whatever is happening to me.” “God, show me what to do!” and on and on. I knew in my heart that my prayers for healing were foolish. That was not what I needed. God knew I needed this journey, this story. Little by little, I found the tools that led to my healing.

June 2011: I became a vegetarian. I still eat eggs, so I am not a hard-core vegan. I truly believe that this was the final key to my healing. This, next to the B-12 methylcobolamin, made the biggest difference in my body. I had never felt better. I was even able to spend a week in Chicago, eating not a whole lot of food, running on less sleep than normal and during a time of the month that had previously given me trouble.

It sure felt like a miracle to me.

I am strongly of the opinion that, had I gone to a medical doctor with my problems, I would have been diagnosed with some sort of neurological disorder/disease. I was heavily immunized as a child and I do believe that damaged my nerves and cause my intolerance to so many foods. The biggest benefit of my favorite vitamin, B-12 methylcobolamin, is that it repairs myelin, the sheath that protects nerve cells.

And so, my B-12 is repairing my damaged nerves and my food life is strengthening the rest of my body.

Right now, I feel invincible, even though I know I’m not. I still slip up. I still get angry, scared to death and incredibly frustrated. I confess to nearly bursting into tears in the Whole Foods Market in Chicago when I found veggie chips that I could actually eat. Then didn’t I eat the wrong ones and suffered a feverish neck and headache later that evening.

I’ve learned to be incredibly creative in the kitchen. If I’m hungry for something, I figure out how to make it, or else go without. I’ve found I can survive for days on lettuce, apples and water.
Being a vegetarian is quite helpful too. People understand it better, and nod compassionately when I tell them, rather than staring blankly when I say “I’m allergic to corn, wheat, gluten, pork, beef, and I follow the blood type diet.” Maybe I should just start saying “I’m allergic to food.” That would be about 75% true.

To be honest, I don’t mind if people poke fun (gently) at my oddness. If I didn’t laugh at this, I would be in tears all the time.

This is not about my own self-satisfaction or anything. This is about me being able to function normally and live a beautiful, vibrant life. I want the sanity and strength to be able to live my absolute best for God, and if it means giving up the fleshly freedom of being able to eat anything on the planet, then so be it. There is huge comfort in eating my little salad and knowing that I don’t have to worry about my brain short circuiting on me the next morning. If the worst thing I have to do in life is say “No” to the food everyone else is eating, then I will be blessed beyond my comprehension.

As a young woman who prays for the opportunity to be a wife and mother someday, I came to the realization that I hold the future in my hands. During my “twitching episodes”, I would often involuntarily drop whatever I was holding in my hands. What if I did that when I was holding a baby? That alone was enough incentive for me to do whatever I needed to do in order to heal myself.

I know the story isn’t over. I think I’ve found all the keys, but who knows? There could be one more thing out there that makes my life even better.

I am so thankful to my Lord Jesus Christ for the opportunity to live in this age with its superiority of knowledge in all things healthwise. I praise Him for my family who keeps me going in the right direction, for the friends who encourage me and keep me laughing, and for everyone who has given me even the smallest bit of information.

My prayer is that God will use my journey to help someone else discover their full potential in a complete, vibrant and balanced lifestyle.

Romans 8:18 & 37, “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present times are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us…Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us.”

July 16-21, 2011
Rolling Meadows, IL


Words always fail me when I attempt to describe what touches my heart so deeply. I could use every beautiful adjective in the English language and it still wouldn't cut it.

The majority of my family and I put a thousand miles on our minivan traveling to Chicago and back for the greatest Bible conference I've been to yet. Grace Impact outdid themselves and I have no doubt that the 2011 conference will go down in history.


I got to hear some wonderful speakers: Matt Walker, Bryan Ross, Ted Fellows, Richard Jordan, Des Strydom, John Verstegen, just to name a few. I was thrilled to be learning the information these great men put together for us and thankful for them sharing their knowledge. I was determined not to miss a session as long as I was there, and didn't (although I did walk in a few minutes late a couple times).


Not only did I spend a week immersed in God's word, I also got to spend time with some of my dearest friends and meet some new ones...
Kyle Fellows (our Marine friend who is always an awesome source of conversation and fellowship), Curt Fellows (who keeps me in stitches and didn't want to sit next to me), The Peters Family (my longtime Canadian friends/adopted family), The Luethge sisters (we were continually searching for one of them), Jazmin Rodriguez (the dear sweet girl I sadly did not get to spend enough time with), Matt Walker (fellow Eriean!), Charlie and Rochelle McQuillian, Rita Bauschard, Amy Fellows (so glad to officially meet and man, you sure got me addicted to Bananagrams!!), Debbie Collins and all the others I'm for some reason I'm failing to mention.


You may wonder what I thought of Chicago. Well as cities go, its' pretty cool, famous, huge and slightly scary. Truth be told, I didn't go to Chicago to see Chicago. I went to see the people that were IN Chicago. It could have been Timbuktu for all I cared.


Therefore, my memories consist of the people I was privileged to fellowship with.
Here's some of them:

-Seeing some of my favorite friends and meeting new ones.
-Getting to talk about GenerationNEXT on the stage briefly and with several people afterwards.
-Visiting the Miller family on Monday at their home nearby.
-Playing Ninja with Kyle, Em'Lee and Kylah. (Thanks you guys!)
-Looking at Afghanistan pictures with Kyle.
-The Family picnic.
-Surviving the almost 100-degree heat by remembering that at least we weren't over in Afghanistan with 90lbs of gear on our backs, on patrol and getting shot at.
-Taking pictures and video. So many great opportunities!
-SO much conversation!!! My throat was honestly sore from talking...and I even did more listening!
-I don't think I stopped smiling all week. :)
-I had been up quite early each day, until Wednesday when I overslept an hour and a half past when I wanted to be up, which made me late for the first session. So that night, Kyle offered to come pound on our door the next morning so I'd be up. I managed to be up before he came, but we had him come in and wake the boys up too. Imagine their surprise to find a Marine at the foot of their bed at 5am!! So thanks to Kyle, I made it to the morning session early. :D
-Watching Ted Fellows and Ed Yarber lead singing with Marvin Taylor specially on the song "Glory I'm Saved!" was incredibly special!! There was so much energy on that stage, I almost forgot to sing while watching. :)


I honestly could go on and on. Each day held so may moments that brought me near to joyful tears. I laid in bed each night, just grinning at the beauty and goodness I was seeing.


Saying goodbye is always hard for me. We left between sessions, so I didn't get to say goodbye to some people. I hugged Rita, the Luethge's, Curt, Jazmin, Matt and Kyle before running out the door. We weren't even out of the parking lot when I started crying. I spent the trip home looking at the almost 500 pictures and videos on my camera and reading Jazmin's and Kyle's notes in my autograph book and eating veggie chips. :)


I was terribly sad to leave the people I love so dearly, but euphorically happy to have been able to spend near a week in their presense.


I can say it was wonderful, beautiful, more than my wildest dreams. But the only description that comes even close is this: it was Heavenly.

The following entries are my heartthrobs over the past couple days, dealing with fear and realizing something about my life.


July 9, 2011

I am such a fearful creature. I am afraid of so much. I fear, most of all, confrontation, broken bones, house fires and romance. The first three, I often have good reasons to fear. But romance...yeah. Now that is where I confuse myself. I think it is actually myself that I am afraid of. Roamnce is something I want so much and long for. I've been burnt a few times, so I am afraid to say or show how I feel...
I am so afraid.
I fear that what I want isn't real, and that I dream too big.
I am afraid that my world may fall apart at any moment and all that I love will slip through my fingers.

"But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says do not be afraid
The voice of truth says this is for My glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The voice of truth."
(Casting Crowns)

I need to listen to that song more often.
God, I cannot ask that you take away my fear. I can ask that you give me the strength to conquer the things that I fear and believe in your voice that tells me you have it all under control. You will make my biggest dreams come true in far more glorious ways than I can imagine them.


July 10, 2011

Perhaps I set my heart too high on earthly things. My affections, I see, for the things of this world are too deep. How much I treasure my possessions, my relationships, my time here! What if I had to live without the things I cherish so much? I take a look back at the things I fear. Why do I fear them?
I fear house fires mostly because I do not want to lose the things I have put so much of myself into, most of all, my writings.
I fear broken bones because I fear the pain it would bring to my earthly body.
I fear confrontation because it threatens the relationships I hold so dear.
I fear romance---well, for two reasons really, I fear that I may never experience it, and I fear myself for all the reasons I mentioned before.
So really, my fears are all based on my own fleshly, earthly affections. The only true thing I have to be afraid of is the condition of my soul, and because I know that my hope is in Heaven and my salvation is secure, I have nothing to fear.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is not fiction. this is my story, but this is reality. I have the free will to choose my own plot, but I am not in control. And I cannot change my story once it's been written, nor can I abandon it and start over. This is the only story I am going to get. And the people in my story are real. I cannot mess around with them like the characters in my fictitious scribblings. This is real and its all I am going to get. I have to make the most of it and not waste it or mess it up.
Here there is no delete, no backspace, no eraser. Its all forward from here. I have one chance to write this correctly. God, help me not blow it.

~Hannah

"Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus. Only in the process of reckless abandonment to Jesus does any woman ever finally understand that, in Him, she is complete. When two 'incomplete' singles get married, their union will not make them complete. Their marriage will be simply two 'incomplete' people trying to find completeness in one another. Only when they understand that their fullness is found in a relationship with Jesus will they ever begin to complement one another. They can never complete one another. You were not created to complete one another, but to complement. Completion is Jesus' responsibility and complementing is a woman's privilege. A woman not complete in Jesus will be a drain on her husband. Such a woman will expect her husband to fill the gap that only Jesus can fill. Only the single woman who understands this means of being complete in Jesus is mature enough to be a helpmeet (complement).
"...Are you feeling full yet? Ask the Lord right now to begin this process of revealing yo your heart the reality of your fullness in Him. 'But it is good for me to draw near to God...' (Psalm 73:28a KJV)."

So I wrote this a couple months ago, and just finally got around to posting it. :D Back story: I have a huge heart for adoption and have dreamt several times about a little girl. She's always the same...about 2 years old and blonde. I never know her name, but I know that I've adopted her. So this was something I wrote to my unknown little girl...


My Little Darling
By Hannah McMichael
4-19-11

Somewhere
A baby girl cries cause there’s no one to hold her
She falls asleep unloved and alone
Two brilliant eyes clouded with tears
All for just wanting to be loved and home
I wish I could reach her
And say to her heart…

My little darling
I will find you someday
I will hold you in my arms
And I will know your name
Hold on, my sweet love
I promise I’ll find you
I will bring you home
My little darling, someday

Foolish heart, where have you gone?
Why have you been running so long?
Wisdom told you not to go
Instead you chose
To follow false and silent whispers.
Foolish heart, now you pay the price
One that was loved, now one that is despised
Now you learn
Now you turn and lift your teary eyes to look for love.

And now the question burning lingers
As salty drops run through my fingers
Am I worthy? Is there still a chance?
Might I be taught one brand new dance?
This is where it matters, this is where it starts
The pathway to a beautiful heart.
To see past the guilt of my tear-stained soul
To have what was broken be made new and whole.
I wait breathlessly and watch at my door
For something so long I’ve been waiting for.
I question my worth, I question myself
It’s all led to nothing---am I worth nothing else?
I step back in shyness. What can I do?
What I want most in life may never come true.

My foolish heart is content, although it has strayed
This isn’t impatience. Its just being afraid.

Lord in Heaven, help me be deserving.
Restore my heart’s beauty and make me worthy of what I desire.

By Hannah McMichael
June 17, 2011

So many voices
So many demands
How do I feel? And what do I think?
Faces pressing in around me
Waiting for my next move
“What next? What now?
Make your decision fast, girl.”
I strive to hold a standard
Amidst voices demanding my reasons
Trying to get me to doubt
Trying to make me question what I know is right.
I cannot please everyone,
Hard as I try.
There are limits to what I can say
And the things I can do.
Without them, I would fall apart.
They want me to lead
They want me to follow
And decide how I feel all at once.
I am not Superman
You cannot expect so much of me
Because you will be disappointed.
I am human
I am fallible.
That is why I depend on God.
I cannot make life-changing decisions at the drop of a hat
And even leaders cry.

So many voices seek
To challenge me
To make my convictions seem wrong
Because they hold ones different.
They believe I don’t respect them
But what they do not see
If that I must respect myself
Before I can respect anyone else.
How can I respect anyone,
How can I value, love and care for anyone
If I disregard everything I believe in?
As the poet said,
“I could not love thee, dear, so much,
Loved not I honor more.”

Within the raging winds that blow,
In the middle of the storm that
Wishes to knock me down,
Through the false judgments, misconceptions,
I plant my feet
I choose to stay strong
I will lead while I am needed
I will follow no matter the consequences.

Whether or not my convictions make sense
To the voices trying to derail me,
This is who I am
This is my heart
This is my soul
This is my life
Love me or leave,
But do not try to change me.

~Hannah McMichael
June 4, 2011

(So…as my last post was a ranting, raving bit of words that were probably too harsh, I shall go back to being sweet and flowery here…)

What a month! God is so infinitely good.

I have just two of the most glorious weekends of my life.

May 13-15 held the first ever GenerationNEXT Retreat, here in Pennsylvania, and despite my worries and rattling nerves, it was smashing success. I wrote about it before, so I won’t get all mushy over it again now. :P I’m just still tickled pink that it all worked out as good as it did. Nearly enough to keep my hyped up for a long time!

I didn’t even bother unpacking everything from the Retreat, because two weeks later, I got to go the Ohio Grace Ministries Great Lakes Bible Conference in Wilmot Ohio! I got to listen to some wonderful speakers, meet amazing new people, build friendships, even to play Ninja and dance! :D I filled a dozen or more pages in my book with notes from the sessions, and each time wished I could write faster because I missed so many things. I was even in tears at one point over the pure awesomeness of our God, and how He laid little mysteries in the Bible that prove His infinity. The energy in the room was overpowering. The messages were incredible. I left so filled up and encouraged and strengthened; honestly, how anyone could have not felt the power and uplifting encouragement at that meeting is beyond me. I feel sorry for anyone who can go to something like that and not be affected by it in the most glorious way.

One of the coolest things was that many of the people at the conference were aware of GenerationNEXT, and they even invited me to stand up and speak about it! I was shaking like a leaf and I don’t know how I managed to get through it, but it was really great and I was so encouraged to see how supportive everyone was of our ministry! Next time, though, I need to be standing in FRONT of the podium…I could barely see over it (no short jokes).

The next few months hold even more adventure, and I absolutely can’t wait. God is so wonderful. He is my all in all. He continues to test my heart, I’m sure to keep my humble, and every time brings me some new bit of wisdom borne out of my heartache and trials to add to my belt. I know I’m not done learning. I doubt I ever will be. The lessons don’t get easier, though I wish they did. But the hurt seems to sting for less time and the peace comes quicker.
Often times, I feel like Catherine Marshall, who, after years of battling illness, declared to God that if He wanted, she would be content being an invalid for the rest of her life because she knew He had a purpose for it. Catherine Marshall is one of my biggest heroes, so I think of that story a lot. It encourages me to remember that, although I can’t see it, there’s a big purpose for the things I go through. And maybe the purpose isn’t for me, but for someone else. So I am content. I can bloom where I’m planted and wait.
“The most difficult thing—but an essential one—is to love life, to love it even while one suffers, because life is all. Life is God and to love life means to love God.” –Leo Tolstoy

Why are the simplest things so difficult?

When will men and women take their places? Men need to stand up and be the wild warriors God made then to be. Women need to step back and let their men be men, and be happy riding shotgun in the adventure instead of driving.

I see so many men held handicapped by their wives and mothers. It is actually quite sickening and disheartening. A friend of mine always stated in despair, “There are no good men! Where are the strong Christian leaders?” I always disagreed with that statement, saying that they were out there somewhere. But seeing what I see makes me wonder. Where are they?

Actually, I know where they are. They are in every man I see. Young and old, they are all there. Deep in their hearts, they are strong leaders and wild warriors. They long to fight the battles, live the adventures and rescue the beauties. The problem is…they have wives and mothers.

So, simply put: Wife, follow your husband and let him be the wild one he longs to be. Mother, quit hanging onto and pushing your son around, and let him grow up and be a man!

You have no right to be frustrated with your men because they will not lead or choose for themselves, because you are holding them back. Bite your tongue. Bite it till it falls off if you have to. Only when you, wife and mother, learn to shut up and be content with being a woman will your husband and your son stand up and be the Men they were meant to be.

“There is a strength in you…I see it.” (William Wallace to Robert Bruce in Braveheart)

Am I frustrated? Yes, I am. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but every once in a while, someone has to quit dodging the truth and say what needs to be said. And maybe I should have said it a long time ago, but often I don’t see a way to write things till it hits really close to home. Or in this case, hits home enough to sucker punch me right in the heart.

I am not perfect. I’ll be the first to tell you that. Some people may say I sound like a total hypocrite talking about the place of women and men, when here I’m running a ministry. Yeah, I’m being a leader. Well, you can think what you want. I will make no lame excuses about doing God’s work or whatever. I did what I saw needed to be done. I do not like leading. But sometimes I have to, because no one else will.

On another note (yes, I’m still venting), what about love and respect? The book “For Young Women Only” by Lisa Rice and Shaunti Feldhaun states that the majority of men would rather be respected than loved, and women would rather be loved than respected. Well, over the past year, I’ve learned what its like to be loved and NOT respected, and I can tell you this…I would rather be respected. It goes hand in hand, really. Respecting me proves that you love me, because you cannot truly love me without respecting me.

You can put on whatever show you want, you can say tons about loving me…but if you cannot respect the simplest things I ask, then you might as well cut out my heart, throw it in the dirt and step on it.

Its not that hard. I really don’t make things that difficult! And if for some reason you are unsure about how I feel about something, ASK ME in a way that you know is right! Instead of guessing, ask! And don’t do it if you think it might not be right. Nothing is so important that you have to step all over me in order to accomplish it.
I understand if you don’t agree. I don’t expect people to agree with me. Its wonderful when they do, but I can’t make anyone agree with me. But worse than not agreeing with me is saying that they do when they really don’t.

Why??! Why do people continue to schmooze along, just mamby-pamby agreeing with everything I say just to get on my good side? I’d respect people more if they stood up for themselves and were strong in their own convictions instead of always trying to weasel around mine.

Truth has no agenda.

I am not a hateful person. It takes a lot for me to really despise a person. My love for people is deep and forgiving, and I’ll be the first person to hand out second chances…and third chances. My good opinion once given is not easily taken away, but as Mr. Darcy says, “My good opinion once lost is lost forever.” Prove you are worthy of a second chance, and I will give it. But if you cannot stand strong and respect me, and if you cannot deeply and honestly agree, then don’t go hurting me again.

I am not saying that I will not be friends with people that disagree with me. Oh, gosh, no…several of my very best friends hold views quite different from me. But the thing is that they aren’t afraid to say it. My friend Marcos and I have a running joke that we disagree on everything but Calvinism! I’m not afraid to disagree with people. Such is life…we are all individuals, and that’s how God created us. But I cannot bear it when a person makes themselves out to be something they are not just to get on my good side.

Life holds so much good. God has given a world so infinitely beautiful. Wouldn’t it be a shame to waste it?