Hannah's Heartstrings

 

I wrote this piece back in May, but never posted it. It never seemed quite complete, so I just hung onto it, letting it mellow in my mind until the right time…

She’s one of those difficult people. You know what I’m talking about. The kind that just seems to have it out for you for no good reason.  I can’t seem to make her happy. I end up just staying out of her way. I tell myself I’m not there to please her, and it really doesn’t matter. Let it slide, don’t fret about it. But…it bugs me. What is it about me? Is it even me? What is her problem? I want to be mad at her.

Love her like Jesus…

He tells me something hard. Something deep. How do I react? I pause before responding. I let it sink in and process the weight of what he’s saying. I can tell he’s holding his breath, waiting for me to say something. What’s he waiting for? Is he expecting anger? Resentment? Judgment? I let the seconds drag and think. This is big, and how I respond is crucial. I may not understand. But there is a balance in my hands. I have the ability to crush or uplift with one sentence.

Love him like Jesus…

She keeps pushing me away. Once a best friend, now less than a stranger. She won’t let me fix it. The more I try to reach out, the more she turns away. It hurts. I offended her, I know. I chose a path she couldn’t follow. I made choices in my life she couldn’t agree with. I chose a side she was against. And now I pay for it. I am given the silent treatment. When words are spoken, its as if years of friendship and sisterhood never existed. What can I do?

Love her like Jesus…

“You don’t need the answers
To all of Life’s questions,
Just know that He loves them
And stay by their side…
Love them like Jesus…”

(Casting Crowns, “Love Her Like Jesus”)

I’ve learned more since then. I’ve learned many more lessons about applying grace to the people in my life. Whether its choosing to not lash out at a sibling, or going through a painfully deep conversation with my boyfriend, or even just suppressing the desire to strangle that insanely difficult customer in the store I work at. It all centers around one thing. Grace.

We choose our reactions. We often say things like “He made me so mad!” and use that to justify our anger. But what might happen if we chose to react in a different way? Yes, we get angry, hurt, disappointed. We want to put up a fight and win it. Getting all fired up is easy. I know. Its easy to just boil over and lash out irrationally to whomever is causing the problem at the moment. Sometimes a little anger, better yet a little passion, is just, because in the right situation, it causes the other party to realize that you are serious and they need to pay attention. But in general, there’s a better reaction.

Just recently, I started really noticing how many instances I have on a daily basis to show grace to the people around me. It has amazed me. I can show grace to my siblings when they are being downright annoying. To the people that come into my workplace that try to give me a runaround about the job I’ve been trained to do. To the person that is in my life whether I like it or not. To basically any person that irritates me or that I, in any wise, just wish would disappear.

Kyle and I talk about this extensively. Mostly concerning each other. We watch other couples around us, particularly ones that are constantly in some sort of argument over one thing or another. In an odd way, it helps us to see examples like that, because it helps us to remember that, without showing each other grace and dealing with each other in grace, we would be in exactly the same position. I don’t see how any relationship can be entirely fulfilling if all that happens is arguing, bickering, nagging each other and putting each other down.

The other part of that conversation is the pure fact that we are human. We are going to let each other down, get irritated, have bad days, get sick and tired, and really just not feel like being graceful. We are not perfect, nor should we expect each other to be. We aren’t always going to remember to take a deep breath and think about our words and reactions. We are human and we are going to mess up. But its how we deal with it that makes the difference. Are we going to let it fester and grow? Are we going to hold it against each other for the rest of our lives? Are we going to lash out and make it worse?

I will not always understand the motive or reasoning behind a person’s actions or words. I won’t always understand why someone chooses to behave in a certain way. I don’t always know what’s going on behind the scenes. I can’t control what other people do. All I can control is me. My actions and reactions. All I can understand is how I choose to behave and how I choose to treat that other person. I can make it worse. Or I can make it better. I can take a terrible situation and put a smile on that person’s face just by listening, loving, giving a hug and choosing to forgive. God has shown me more love and grace than I ever deserve. What else can I do except strive to show just a fraction of that love and grace to the people around me?

Like I said in the short piece I wrote in May; I hold a balance in my hands. With one word, I can uplift or tear down. What am I going to choose?

A few months ago, I tried to write a post about Kyle’s deployment and homecoming. I’ve never had trouble expressing myself through words before, but for some reason I simply could not find the ones I wanted to describe what it was like to have my man risking his life on the other side of the world, and then to have him return safe and sound. Some may be able to describe it. But for me there are no words that fully show what it is like to go even seven months without the one you love…to have that heart pounding rush every time you hear something on the news about a firefight in Afghanistan…the days that seem never to end…the phone calls that become so dear and never last long enough. And then there’s the beautiful aspect of homecoming. Homecoming. Its honestly one of the best things in the world. I simply can’t explain how good it felt to see him standing there and to be the girl that rushed up and hugged him.

I tried to write these things in a beautiful and elegant post. I’ve read plenty of them, and seen numerous homecoming slideshows and videos. But there just were no words. No really good ones anyways. I can say how amazing it was. How wonderful. How beautiful. I can say how hard, yet how good deployment was. How thankful I am. How much we grew from it. But nothing compares to actually living it. You have to live this stuff to fully understand it.

I learned quite a few things. I learned how to better apply grace in my life. Having the first seven months of our dating relationship be during deployment meant some readjusting to my thinking. I couldn’t be near him. I couldn’t call him or text him. I could email him, but sometimes it would take him a while to check it. We were able to video chat a couple times. But we weren’t able to spend good quality time together in person. There were a couple times we got to talk for hours either on the phone or computer. But we had to learn to make things interesting with what we had. We sent lists of questions back and forth to each other. We talked as often as we were able to. But I had to learn that this was a very different world, and would continue to be as long as Kyle was in the Marines.

That’s probably the biggest thing I’ve learned and something that I want to stress to other military girlfriends, especially girlfriends that are just getting into this. The military world is very different. You can’t treat it the same as the civilian world. You have to be more gracious, more understanding, more loving. Your guy goes through a lot. He lives with a target on his back, especially if he’s deployed, and if he’s not, he lives with the constant expectation that he could be. The last thing he needs is you whining at him because he hasn’t texted or called you today. He’s going to have training and field days and classes. He’s going to need his buddies more than he needs you. He’s going to fall asleep on the phone or else have a million other things on his mind. He’s going to need you to stand behind him and support him, to be there for him when he does need you, because he will. And when he does call you, or is in a position where you can contact him, he’s gonna need you to be excited to hear from him, to enjoy the sound of his voice and not complain because you haven’t heard from him in a while.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that you be some sort of measly mousy little woman that gets walked all over. He doesn’t need that either. He needs you to be strong. Stand up for what you believe in and make sure he knows that you are believing in him. Wait for him, and make sure he knows you are. Share with him your thoughts and burdens. Our guys are much more wise than we often give them credit for. Kyle was able to help me through some difficult heart things, even before we started our relationship. No one else has ever offered me advice and wisdom the way he has.

Simply put, lose the drama. Enrich your man’s life. Don’t make him dread calling you because all you do is whine and argue. If you are not enjoying being his girl, then something is wrong. Make him smile. Be the one he can’t wait to come home to. There is nothing wrong with consistently making someone else happy.
Applying grace in life is one of the hardest, most beautiful things ever. There have been a couple times where Kyle and I have gotten into a conversation where I could have easily escalated into irrational anger. I could have easily lashed out against him. I could have chosen to be hurt and disappointed. There were instances where Kyle could have chosen to be mad at me. But he didn’t. And I didn’t. And we both surprised each other. I made a point to not respond how he was expecting me to, but instead to deal gracefully and lovingly. And it made a world of difference. Instead of coming between us, the tough conversations brought us closer together.

I’ll never say I’m perfect or that I’ve got it all together and figured out. Its going to take me years to learn everything, and even then I doubt I will. But these are the things I’m learning now. I’m eternally grateful to the people around me that have helped me learn these things at such an early point in life. I feel like a lot of couples head into marriage with no idea where they are going and very little grasp on important issues. So it is very encouraging to me to see other young people heading into marriage with good heads on their shoulders, a right understanding of grace and love, and going about this whole journey much more prepared.
I don’t think I will truly be able to communicate all that I learned over the past year with Kyle. He has taught me so many things. I am so grateful for his patience with me, and so excited to continue this journey with him in married life. I can’t wait to see what the next year, and years, bring for us. What new things will we learn? What adventures will we have? There’s so much out there!

Kyle sent me this list shortly before homecoming. I had learned several of these things, but its a wonderful reminder. Its makes you think about just how different the world of a military girlfriend/fiancee/wife really is. I know this is aimed towards Marine girlfriends, but really it applies to all branches. So adjust as necessary and heed the wisdom! 

*I have no idea who created this list. It is brilliant and if you are or know the author, please let me know!*
*Edited slightly for content ;)*


1. Don’t count on anything! Hurry up and wait.

2. Don’t listen to anyone on the outside. All you will get is negative remarks which will make things harder for you to deal with.

3. When he becomes stubborn and a royal pain in the butt, just remind yourself he’s probably had a bad day and being away from you is hard on him too. SO just let him rant and don’t take it personal.

4. When your down, treat yourself.

5. Learn how to listen, if you don’t know how! He will need you. You will be the one he comes to when he needs to complain, but don’t complain back. That is what the USMC girlfriends are for! This is a hard time for our men and they need us much more than sometimes they think they do.

6. Love your marine, be truthful, and reassure him, even if he is deployed, he’ll have someone to come back to.

7. He will try to pull away at some point, whether directly telling you to move on and not wait for him or just becoming distant. It’s a way they try to deal. Stick with him because he really does want (and need) you there.

8. When he is away for a long time or even just a couple of hours away, write a lot of letters. Communication is key to a relationship!

9. Some of his friends will probably be morons. Expect this.

10. You aren’t the only woman in his life. His mom misses him and loves him too, so make sure to update her on what's going on with him.

11. He needs to feel important so don’t hold back on the compliment's-remind him how proud you are of what he does.

12. Chances are they wont call when they say they will. That especially applies for the deployed!

13. Don’t buy that non-refundable airplane ticket too early.

14. When eating with a marine you wither finish your “chow” in 15 min or less or be stared at until you finish.

15. Never take one single minute with them for granted. Live each day with them like it’s the last one you’ll have for a while because with the Marine Corps it just might be.

16. Take lots of pictures, so you can remember what each other look like.

17. Don’t even TRY to compare your Marines to ordinary men. You can no longer complain about broken plans, the phone call you were supposed to get but didn’t, missed birthdays and anniversaries, his snoring (hey at least he’s sleeping beside you,) spending more time with “the boys” than you, etc, etc, etc.

18. Always look on the bright side of things. How many of your gal-pals got to get their first encounter, first date, first kiss from their man over and over again?

19. Gotta be able to keep up with your man. We give our marines a whole new meaning of PT.

20. Even if he says he will, he probably wont. Maybe he really means probably not OR probably not when he said he would. Example: “I might not be able to call you tomorrow,” or “I might call you tomorrow,” but he cant find the time to call until a week later. That might turn into 2 weeks.

21. Being a Marines girlfriend is the toughest job in the corps. You have to deal with stress similar to the wives, without the promise of forever or the benefits and support they get.

22. Patience is the biggest key to making the relationship work. You have to wait a lot but in the end waiting is what makes it all worth while.

Where food is concerned, we live in a world of absolutes, particularly here in the U.S. We have a broad spectrum of foods before us, but there are generalities that all food must fall under in order to please us. We know what pizza is supposed to taste like. We know what ice cream, spaghetti, hot dogs, and potato salad are supposed to taste like. Christmas dinners, birthday cake, chocolate and cotton candy. There are differences and variations within each of our foods. Different flavors and combinations. But ultimately, we have set in stone ideas about what our food should taste like, and for that matter, look like.

But what if…what if…we’re wrong?

Have you ever seen the movie “The Matrix”? It is rather brilliant tale of a man who comes to learn that the world he believes he lives in doesn’t really exist, but instead is an elaborate computer generated hoax designed to trick the minds of humans being used as slaves for robots that have overtaken the real world. The concept of the movie is really quite amazing, and gets you thinking. What if this isn’t real? What if we are being tricked? How would you feel if you woke up one morning to find that everything you thought you knew was completely and utterly wrong?

Step back for a moment and, with the Matrix in mind, open your mind to the possibility I am about to suggest to you.

What if everything you know about how food should taste and look is wrong?

From the very beginning of our lives, as small children learning to eat food on our own, we are given food and told exactly what it should be like. This is ice cream. This is cereal. This is a hamburger. There are no other options. This is what food is. It is engrained in our minds. We don’t question it, and grow up with these stereotypes dictating our every meal.

But just imagine if we were wrong. What if those stereotypes were just that…stereotypes?

Imagine breaking out of the matrix to find a whole new world of food. A world where food was different. Where people eat to live, not live to eat. Where people don’t expect food to be the same as it has been for years and use creativity and ingenuity to create food that blows the mind of all who even hear of it.

Yep. You’ve now entered my world.

Welcome to the world outside the matrix.

After over two years of experimenting and trying to find a good recipe, I am pleased to present one of the very few “free*” cracker recipes that actually works!!
*Free: gluten free, soy free, dairy free, vegan, corn free, sugar free
　
Crackers

1 cup chickpea flour
1 cup arrowroot powder
2 Tbsp. sesame seeds
1/4 cup almond meal or flax meal
1-2 Tbsp. oil (hemp or coconut works very well!)
1/8 to 1/4 tsp. stevia powder
Dash of salt
1/2 to 1 tsp. tamari or coconut aminos
1/4 to 1/2 cup water

Mix all ingredients together and knead to form a stiff dough. Shape into small balls and flatten. Bake at 450* till golden (about 15 minutes).

Pictures, letters, cards. Notes of things that were important to a teenager. Writings. Declarations of who I was becoming.

The past twenty-two years of my life can fit into one solitary brown box. If needed, my life could fit into a mid-sized suitcase. Yes, there are some unnecessary things…I could scale down much further. But I keep them because I can, because I am not forced to do without them.
I am very sentimental. Too much for my own good. I keep things I should have gotten rid of years ago. A green Skittles bag? Well, it was a limited edition one with Princess Leia on it from the re-release of the first three Stars Wars films. Bits of papers with scribbles on them? Oh yes, those were from my dear little friends when they were first learning how to write. They are now graduating from high school. Ticket stubs? That was from when my Dad took me to see the Nutcracker Ballet. And that shoebox full of letters? Don’t you dare touch that…that is every letter from the past 11 years sent to me by my dearest Canadian girlfriend. The smaller boxes? Well, one holds dried flowers that my uncle sent me on my sixteenth birthday. The other holds all my baby teeth. Yes. Teeth.

I spent most of yesterday going through my boxes. I had, oh, five or six of them. I’m down to one. There were some things that were simply not necessary to save anymore. Some things I never want to part with. Letters and pictures that remind me of a simpler time. The calendar who’s biggest event was my friend getting her first puppy. The scrawled out note of a six-year old thanking me for teaching her the Cat’s Cradle game. The only drawing I have left from a little boy who bruised my ten-year-old heart…the one drawing that escaped my anger and did not get thrown away…the drawing that reminds me never to hold a grudge, because that little boy grew up to be one of the best men I know. There’s the cards and letters from a girl I grew up with…letters dated just a year or two before she was killed in a car accident.

Some things I did release from my grasp. Some things didn’t hold as much sentimental value as they originally did. Other things I was glad to be rid of. Little by little, letting go of things I regret, words I said that shouldn’t have been spoken, people I let in that I should have showed more caution to. Releasing their hold on me. Telling myself its okay, and that even when it hurt, I learned something. God gave me the strength to handle it, the grace to get through it, and now its time to move on and do something new.
Some things brought laughter. Most were quickly followed by tears. Some things brought anger and a feeling of defeat over remembering friendships that were, and are no more. Things I can’t fix, even though I try. Life I can’t go back to, even if I wanted.

There are things I have said and shouldn’t have. There are things I haven’t said, and should have.
But what kind of life do I have if I just sit here regretting and wishing over what was? If I focus on the bad I wish hadn’t have happened, then I miss all the beauty that did. And if I worry about the bad of the present and future, I miss all the beauty that is.

This is what life is all about. Seeing and enjoying every little bit of beauty, living with our eyes wide open, and praising God for all of it. We have nothing to live for if we do not have God. Our lives are purposeless and empty, not matter what we try to fill them up with.

God has the amazing ability to make everything beautiful. Even pain. “…My strength is made perfect in weakness…” God’s grace and love turns tears into smiles.

If this isn’t exciting, then we are doing it wrong. There is so much beauty for us to see here. Sometimes we just have to look for it. We have to stop, breathe and absorb.

There was that little boy that pulled himself up on the countertop where I work and looked right at me and said “I love you!” A little boy I’ve never seen and may never see again, but his sweet little words will touch my heart forever.

There’s the sweet sound of my boyfriend’s voice spanning an ocean, and the numbers in my calendar book that tell me he’s almost home.

There’s the friend I’ve never met, sending me a note just to tell me she’s thinking about me.

The baby of a life-long friend about to be born.

My brother telling me how much he misses me.

My mom bringing me home cashews and avocados because she knows I like them.

Finally being old enough to tease my dad without it sounding disrespectful.

The way my heart beats.

The things that make me smile.


I don’t want to miss a moment.

This is the version of avocado pudding that I have been making. I altered it slightly from the original "4 Ingredient Raw Avocado Pudding" recipe I found on www.healthfulpursuit.com. I added the chia seeds and stevia, doubled the avocado but left the lemons the same amount. I also omitted the extra lemon juice, cause it just seemed to be too sloppy.
I've also included a version I came up with today. I was out of dates and had kiwi, strawberries and coconut. It turned out beautifully and tastes like heaven.
I am going to try freezing the pudding to make a sort of ice cream. :)

Better Avocado Pudding

2 avocados
Flesh of 2 lemons
12 dates, pitted
1-2 TBSP chia seeds
up to 1 tsp stevia powder

Chop dates in a food processor first, then add all other ingredients and blend till smooth.
Refrigerate before eating for a few hours to give the chia seeds time to gel up.

"Tropical" version:
Add 1 kiwi in place of the lemons, then add 6-10 whole strawberries, 1-2 TBSP coconut flakes and a dash of lemon juice.

*Vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, soy-free, grain-free*

Unseen once is now made seen
Black, Red, White, Green
Am I a lion, or a lamb?
Am I a boy, or a man?
Drown, come and drown with me
Taste Elyon’s fruit, listen and see
Elyon plays, Elyon sings
His voice soft as a Roush’s wings
Dance, come and dance with me
Forever part of the Circle be
Elyon’s water, pleasure and life
Simple and real, wrong made right
Deeper, deeper…deeper still
You don’t understand? Wait, you will.
The game is on, the Romance begun
The divine magic of two become one
Fight for, chase, desire, pursue
Cherish, hope for, love, woo
Echo of Eden, heaven’s touch
You never thought you could want this so much
Now the Battle is here, the Enemy come
The Great Romance has a war to be won
Be careful the master you choose
It means whether you win or lose
Elyon is silent, Elyon waits
While hell bursts open its gates
The Circle fights, the Circle cries
What was always now dies
Then the Hero comes, he always comes
Watch as now he runs
Power flows, white and pure
There he is, strong and sure
The Warrior, Creator, Lover, Friend
The beginning and the end
Drown, drown again with me
Elyon’s water, taste and see
Am I a lion, or a lamb?
Am I boy, or a man?
Unseen once is now made seen
Black…Red…White…Green.

By Hannah McMichael
Inspired by Ted Dekker's "Circle" series

(If you have not read these books, you won't understand this poem. Go read them!!)

Every once in a while I go back and read blog posts, comments, diary pages, emails, etc., that I’ve written over the past four or five years. Okay, even the past year.

It is an incredibly embarrassing, aggravating, insightful, and ultimately humbling experience.

“I believe this about true Christian courtship.” WHACK! “I heard God’s voice in my head.” WHACK! “I’ve learned how to be perfectly content.” WHACK! “Homeschoolers are better than any other people.” WHACK WHACK!!

Oh dear , the things I really thought for sure I knew! How smart I thought I was. How confident I was in things I truly was just dipping my toes into. And oh, how much I have learned in such a short time!

There are a lot of things I wish I could erase, because I simply don’t think the same now, or what I wrote was done in a hasty flurry of emotion and what seemed right at the time. But I wouldn’t be a very good writer if I did that. Embarrassment, ridicule, the questioning of our true motives and values…it’s the price one pays for speaking one’s mind.

People change, for better or worse. We grow and learn. And the more we talk about our opinions, likes, dislikes, convictions, beliefs and feelings, the more we are likely to be humbled by them at a later point in time. Our words will come back to bite us if we don’t watch out.

So forgive me when I seem to contradict myself as the years go by. Its not that I am floating around with every wind of doctrine. Its only that I am learning, growing, becoming. And from time to time, I am just plain WRONG.

Thank goodness that Humble Stick isn’t too hard.

Before we get too far and to avoid any misunderstandings, let me preface this by saying one thing: I am, in no way, stating that any way of going about relationships is wrong. I’m not here to rant about how conservatism “ruined my life”, or how I was “saved” from the liberal dating scene (neither of which is true). I’m not here to point fingers. I’m not even here to give you a brand new formula, or Ten Best Tips of How To Get Married. I’m only here to offer a perspective.

This perspective is mine, and may be something you’ve heard or thought or discussed already. You don’t have to agree. You don’t have disagree. I’m not bashing. I’m just talking.

So, now that we’ve got that taken care of.


History. I grew up conservative. I still am very conservative in many ways. Saying that I am liberal just wouldn’t seem to cut it, although I know some would label me as heading in that direction. When I was 13, my mom impressed upon me the idea of saving my first kiss for my wedding day. I liked the idea and decided to strive for that. None of the boys I knew ever tried to kiss me anyways, so things were cool. That’s more or less where my thinking about courtship, dating and marriage all started. From there it was slowly built as I read articles and stories, talked with people, and tried to find my place in a circle of home school graduates.


My parents never really gave us a set of rules or regulations. They never said “dating is bad and courtship/betrothal is the only way to go”. We talked about the differences and they encouraged us to do something different than the average American recipe for relationships. They encouraged us to not just date around for the fun of it, to refrain from flirting with members of the opposite sex, and to find someone to be committed to when the time was right.


There were times when friendships got out of hand and boundaries had to be set up. Ages 17 to 21 were some of the toughest, most aggravating years of my life, and I would never wish to go back to them. But looking back, I am glad I had the boundaries that I did and that my parents provided the guidance that they did.


By the time I reached 21, I had pretty much formulated in my head how my perfect courtship would go. Boy meets girl, preferably at church or home school convention. Boy and girl communicate through some public venue as friends. Boy talks to girl’s dad. Girl’s dad permits courtship. Boy and girl court for a few months, always chaperoned, not likely even holding hands, never alone, etc. Boy and girl get engaged and marry within a year. And they live happily ever after. Perfect, right?


Well, yes. And no.


A few guys came and went. Nothing was ever right. And then I met Kyle. In years before, if you had asked me if there was such a thing as love at first sight, I would have scoffed and told you it didn’t exist. I stand corrected.


Just a couple months after meeting, Kyle invited me to go to the Marine Corps Birthday Ball with him. My thought process went something like this: “Wow. That would be amazing. Man I would love to go with him. But who am I kidding? We’re not even in a relationship, and I don’t even know if he’s that interested in me. And not to mention, my dad would *never* let me go.”


My dad let me go. Encouraged me to go!


So in November, with my brother Charlie as my traveling buddy, financial support and intended chaperone, I flew down to North Carolina for an 8 day trip. And thus began my unconventional, non-conservatively conservative, sort of dating, sort of courting, sort of something way different, little bit of everything relationship with Kyle.


Nothing was as I had planned. Meeting Kyle and getting to know him, even more so falling in love with him, threw me for a complete loop. I never expected him. How could anyone ever expect someone like that? My relationship with him was completely different than anything I had ever imagined. I could have read a million books on courtship and dating, and hear a million more success stories, and none of it could have ever prepared me for REALITY.


We did things right and wrong to both sides of the spectrum. The hard core courtship/betrothal group would be shocked to hear how we left our chaperone and went off for walks by ourselves to discuss *us*. The liberal all-American dating group WAS shocked to hear we haven’t kissed yet. To be honest, even our families were shocked at some of the courses we chose! Both sides of the argument look at us with puzzled faces. Neither side can label us because we don’t fit into a label. I say “we’re dating” to some people and “we’re courting” to other just based on who I am talking to. Yes, I call him my boyfriend, but that too depends on who I’m talking to.


No one really understands. Not that I expect anyone to. Any way you label us is probably close, but still so far off the truth.


The thing is, we don’t need a label. We don’t need the pressure of a label.


We’re honestly doing just fine. We call it how we see it. We roll with the punches. We take things as they come. We don’t have a list of perfectly planned out rules, or a step-by-step guidelines as to how everything takes place. And we aren’t just in this for the fun of it or for the temporal pleasure of attraction.


Sometimes we don’t know what we’re doing, but its okay, because we’re figuring it out, one little step at a time. We’re growing together as friends and lovers.


Most importantly, what we are doing works for us.


If we could all just take about three steps backwards, and remove ourselves from the Courtship vs. Dating battle, we might see that there are more than two sides to the story. If couples would just do what works for them together, with the wisdom God gave them and for the glory of God alone, apart from any labels and outside any boxes, I think there’d be a lot more peace amongst the Body of Christ.

Of course, my phrase of “just doing what works for you”, I’m sure, can and will be taken the wrong way. In no way am I implying the condoning of premarital sexual relations just because “it works for you”. No way. Anyone that knows me, really knows me, will know how highly I value the fidelity of sex within marriage and within marriage alone, waiting for marriage to share that communion with each other and God, and the beauty of a husband and wife committed and faithful to each other.


My argument is for getting up to that point.


I am also not trying to imply that super conservative parents are “doing it wrong”, and need to give their kids some freedom. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you need to just turn your daughter loose at eighteen and say “Come what may.” On the contrary. We need good counsel. Freedom and trust is gained with age and every person is different.


I am merely trying to say that you need to take each situation as it comes and only ask “Is this right? Is this pure?” based on God’s Word, flee immorality and self-righteousness, and not strive to conform to a man-made set of rules or labels that declare one process “more holy” or “more Godly” than another.


Seriously, does it really matter what you call it? On your fiftieth wedding anniversary, is anyone going to remember, or really care, what you called your before-marriage-period?


There are a lot better things we would be worrying about. Instead of strapping ourselves to labels that are pulling us down, why aren’t we being a light to the world around us? Why aren’t we teaching kids about keeping their bodies special and pure and saving sex for marriage instead of defining our own self-righteous labels and boxes?

There’s a deeper meaning here than just a name for a relationship. We are slowing down the message.

Maybe its time we get out of the way.

“So…what DO you eat?”

Yes, I get that question quite often. Its one of those phrases I’ve become accustomed to hearing over and over. Like “Oh, you’re home schooled! So how does that work?” or “Wow, you look so young. I would have guessed you about 16.”

I don’t really get tired of hearing that question. I’ve got quite an incredible story, to be honest, and its good information, so I’m happy to share my food life with people. I don’t get tired of the other questions either. Yes, I loved home schooling. Yes, I know I look like a kid. But its alright.

The only thing I don’t like it the look on people’s faces when I tell them what I do eat. Fruit, veggies, nuts and beans. Very little grains. No wheat, sugar, corn, meat, dairy or potatoes of any sort.

Here comes the look of pure pity. Sorrow, too, as if they want to cry for me.

Oh, its well meant, of course. By loving friends that simply are amazed that anyone can eat like that and still be sane. It doesn’t annoy me or anything.

Its just…well…I am honestly not a person you should be feeling sorry for.

I’m not ill. I don’t have some terrible terminal disease that is going to cut me off in the prime of life. In truth, I will probably be one of the last people to get a life threatening illness due to the fact that my diet is so simple and clean.

I don’t deserve your pity.

Why should you be sad for me? Because I can’t indulge in the nearest cupcake or bucket of ice cream? Because I’ll never be able to share a bowl of popcorn at the movies with my boyfriend? Because I won’t be able to enjoy take-out pizza with my kids? Gee, when you put it that way…

But hang on.

You’re right. I’m missing out. I’m missing out on birthday cakes and summer ice cream cones, hot delivery pizza and road trip candy bars. I’m missing out on all the food normally associated with cook-outs and tea parties and baby showers.

But there’s something else I’m missing out on as well.

I’m missing out on missing out on life. Yeah you read that right. No, I didn’t repeat myself accidentally. Go ahead, read it over again. I typed it just the way I wanted it. Maybe it would be better said that I’m not missing out on life. There. That’s a little clearer.

If you’ve never had a seizure, then you can’t imagine what I’m talking about. The helplessness that washes over you when you know you’re going down. The feeling of defeat, of “Oh SNAP!” when you wake up and realize you’ve had one. The recuperation period that seems like an eternity squashed into a day or two. The feeling of fear when you can’t figure out why on earth this is happening, and never knowing when it is going to happen again. And then the total apprehension that comes with wanting to do anything in life…can I go on this trip? Can I have these people stay over? Should I get up this early? Can I drive today? Could I ever get married? What about having a baby? Am I going to be alright?

Talk about a reality check.

So guess what. There are exactly two things in the entire world that one can do with seizures.

One. Go to the doctor and get put on medication. Trust me, I’ve researched it.

Two. Change your diet. Change your life.

I picked number Two.

I’ve now spent the past two and half years trying to figure this out. Changing this. Trying that. Tweaking, fixing, experimenting, eliminating. Crying, fuming, starting all over again, and again, and again. Till finally…

I found something that works. Its called Simplicity.

Fruit, veggies, nuts and beans. Very little grains. No wheat, sugar, corn, meat, dairy or potatoes of any sort.

I’ve given up the all-American food life for a chance at a normal life. Comfort food in exchange for a clear mind and the ability to bounce out of bed at a moment’s notice. I’ve given up ice cream, pizza and popcorn, and gained the ability to go on long road trips, host incredible events, be a little bit stressed if I have to, not fear my menstrual cycle, and even fall in love.

Don’t pity me. Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m totally getting the better end of this deal.

It’s almost 6:30pm Valentine’s Day Eve, and my valentine is on the other side of the world where it is almost 4:00am Valentine’s Day. My day is nearly ending, just as his is beginning.

I won’t see him for another 5-ish months, which is most of the reason I am currently aching for summer to come. The other much smaller portion of that reason is that I am freezing and really…did I say REALLY…looking forward to it being summer, with lots of sunshine and warm air. But nice weather or no, I simply can’t wait to see my fella. I am contemplating how to roll Christmas, Valentine’s, Fourth of July, and his June birthday all into the one glorious event called Homecoming. Good thing he’s not big into holidays. :P

I almost wasn’t going to post anything about Valentine’s Day, because I didn’t want to sound all sappy and mushy. And I have been on the reverse end of V-Day, the ever depressing Singles’ Awareness Day, and I know how annoying it gets to hear all the blabber about how wonderfully awesome such-and-such’s significant other is. Especially while being single with absolutely not prospects in view, V-Day is just a constant reminder that you are single, and all your friends aren’t, and guess what…you don’t have a date. Ouch.

Then I thought, well, I’ve waited this long, I deserve one little post about my honey on a day dedicated to lovers, right? I should come up with something cute. Yes, I sent him a Valentine. Yes, I sent him some sweet sugary items. Cause I’m a cool girlfriend. ;) But I already told the world I wasn’t going to post tons of mush stuff yet, cause that’s personal, and not everyone needs to know, or really cares for that matter. So this shall be the extent of my lovey-dovey-mushy-sappy-Valentines-Day-post: I love Kyle. I miss him. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Deployment is hard. And I can’t wait to see him.

There.

Now, I have two things I want to say. One to Singles and one to…un-Singles. Whatever.

First, to the singles. I am not going to give a bunch of emotional nonsense about being content and there’s someone out there for you, and just keep waiting. Cause that’s what that is. Emotional nonsense. Yes, you need to be content, and at peace, cause otherwise you are miserable, and the only thing worse than a miserable single person is a miserable un-single person, but I will get to that later. Yeah, there probably is someone out there for you, and sometimes you do have to wait, cause there’s nothing else to do, and waiting builds character. But if you know what you want, and you know what you are looking for, then by golly, get out there and find it. And if you aren’t finding what you are looking for where you are at, you need to change where you are at. Be brave. Step out. Go get ‘em.

Second, to the Un-Singles. Girlfriends and wives mostly. Every other sentence I hear coming from your mouths is a complaint about your guy. How he hasn’t come home yet, and how he’s been gone so long, and “OMG, he hasn’t texted me in four hours!!!” Are you for real? You get to see your man every-stinkin’-day, and you complain about not hearing from him after a couple hours??? I don’t mean to sound blatantly sarcastic, but GROW UP! You really just have no idea, do you? You should be praising God for this man, and the fact that you get to see him every day and be in almost constant contact with him, and simply for the fact that *he*is*yours*. Do you realize how many single girls out there ten or fifteen years your senior would give their right arms to be in your place?

I understand getting frustrated with your lover, and frustrated with life that gets in the way of being with him (still speaking to girls here, just cause its what I see, but if there’s guys out there doing this too, y’all can just switch the gender usage). But for heaven’s sake, please quit talking about it all the time, and even more, quit posting it on Facebook!

I can think of way lots more to say, but I think I better stop here for now.

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, or SAD, or what have you. Just remember to be thankful. Life is too short, and you never know when everything that you love might no longer be here.